Preggers and Proud
by VampsofTwatlight
Summary: Follows our story "To Walk a Mile in My Shoes". Alice wants to show Jasper exactly how it feels to be pregnant. Chaos ensues when she gets her hands on the magical herb that changed everything for Rose/Em. Lemons, OOC, AH
1. Friday

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. 'Nuff said. Actually, fiberkitty said we needed to state that we are NOT SM because we kick ass, so, no, we are NOT Stephenie Meyer. If we were, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than **_**Renesmee **_

**AN: Here it is. We proudly present chapter one of the newest saga from our "To Walk a Mile" universe: Jasper and Alice.**

**NOTE: This starts right where the epilogue of "To Walk a Mile" stops. If you want to understand ANYTHING about this, you really need to go read/brush up on that story, (Link provided on the vampsoftwatlight profile)**

**NOTE2: We will be posting this on Friday's normally, we just felt like you guys had waited long enough for this. What can we say? Real life sucks. **

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Alice POV

I stared at Emmett in wonder. "Emmett. You're a genius."

He laughed. "Yeah, right. You're just saying that because you aren't pissed off at _me_."

Hmm…okay, so, he had a point there. But seriously? He can get me some of the stuff that changed him and Rosalie? Oh for Jasper and I to be switched just for one day…it was too much to ask. "How did you change back?" I asked warily.

He shrugged. "I have no idea. I mean, we'd done stuff for each other, realized how hard it was to be the other person, but it was when we had sex, that night, we switched back, so really I have no idea."

My shoulders slumped. There was no way I could banish Jasper to this existence. Besides, that stuff may not even be safe for the baby. "Emmett, we can't, not now."

"Why?"

"The baby…" I started.

He shook his head. "This stuff is all natural."

"So is the marijuana you guys smoke." I retorted. "You can grow it in your fucking backyard. But that doesn't mean I want to smoke it when I'm pregnant."

He snorted. "Ali-cat, this doesn't mess with your body. It's all in your head. It's like you…I don't know, switch minds or something. It's weird. Look, talk to Rose. I'm sure it's perfectly safe."

I still wasn't sure.

"Have I ever steered you wrong before?" He asked me.

Oh the ways I could answer that. I shot him a look and he blushed. "Okay, bad choice of words. But I'm serious. You know how much I love ya, Al. I'd never hurt you _or _your kid, you know that."

I sighed. "Yeah, but…"

"Just go with me to talk to Seth's granddaddy. Just to talk. That's all."

I blew out a breath. It couldn't hurt just to _talk _to the man. "Okay."

He grinned and hugged me. "Thanks Al. I'll call him and see when we can go over there, okay?"

I nodded somewhat dejectedly. I felt…bad that I was even considering this. But at the same time, I was thrilled with the prospect. I had such an enormous weight on me, and I wasn't talking about the twenty pounds I'd gained either. To have a secret like this…well, Rose was right. I shouldn't be keeping this from Jasper. But he has so much to worry about as it is…if he knew what I was hiding,he'd flip his lid, bust a nut and pass out on me.

* * *

Apparently, old man Clearwater was a busy individual. It took us a week to get a quote, "appointment" with him. I guess he was on some kind of tribal council or something, I didn't understand Native American logistics, and to be honest, I didn't really care.

"Does Rosalie know where we're going?" I asked Emmett as we hurried down the road in Rosalie's new SUV.

"Yes, Alice. And she has Jasper busy so he won't ask where you are. This is all on the down-low."

I snorted. "Who are you supposed to be? Snoop Diggity Dog?"

He shot me a look. "If you were your husband, I'd tell you to fuck off."

I laughed out loud. "If you were your wife, you'd do it anyway."

He chuckled. "Alright, small-fry. Just go with me here, okay?"

I gave him a nod as we pulled into the driveway of the old house. Ugh. And I'd have to walk in with my shoes on…I sighed, but followed him up the muddy walk to the door. Emmett knocked and a younger man opened the door. "Dude! You work fast! She's not as hot as the other one, but I wouldn't kick her out of bed either."

Emmett growled. "Shut the fuck up, Seth, and let us in. The little lady needs to get off her feet."

My eyebrow rose. _Oh, growly Emmett. Yum. I can see why Rosie likes it when he's gruff. Jasper's hot like that too when he's all protective. Of course, now that I'm knocked up again it's annoying as hell…_

I followed Emmett into the house and looked around in distain. Clearly it hadn't received a woman's touch in oh, about a _century. _I sat on the edge of the chair Emmett directed me to and looked at the ancient face across from us. "What do you seek my child?" He asked me.

I bit my lip. "I, uh, Emmett accidentally got hold of some of the stuff from you, the stuff that changes you into someone else…"

He chuckled. "I see. And you wish for some?"

I nodded. "I love my husband, very much. But…he doesn't understand how hard it is to be me. He can't grasp the concept of all the things I do…all the worries I have…"

"And you think his life is so much easier?" The old man asked me.

"No! I know his life isn't easy…I just…I want him to respect what my life is all about."

The old man sighed. "This is why we do not tell of our ancient medicines. The pale faces come in and want it."

"Pops," Seth said from the doorway he was propped up on. "They're good people. Give 'em a chance."

The older man sighed. "So, you want him to experience pregnancy, childbirth?"

I paused and tentatively nodded. "Is it…safe, for the baby?"

The old man chuckled. "You are not the first pregnant woman to come to me."

Emmett's eyes grew wide. "She's not?"

"Of course not. For many moons the women in our tribe have used this medicine to give their men a taste of how rough life can be for them."

Emmett shivered. "I'm so fucking glad that Rosalie didn't find out about this…"

I laughed. "Why, Emmett? Afraid?"

"Terrified." He admitted.

I laughed. "Will you help us Mr. Clearwater?"

He nodded. "I'll do it."

* * *

Emmett dropped me off at Bella's house where she helped me make dessert for myself and Jasper. I was _not _good with pastries, and I had to make sure I made something that Reagan wouldn't eat. _That _would be complicated to explain if she ended up switching with one of us, so Bella whipped up some Key Lime Pie tarts, taking great care to put the pulverized herbs only in my two. "Are you sure about this, Ali?" She asked me. "I know you're under a lot of pressure with the secret and I just…"

I shook my head. "Bella, I just…I love Jasper. So much it hurts. But I can't stand how he's been lately. I _know _he's under a lot of stress at work. I _understand _how hard it must be for him to be worrying about this business…I just want him to see that he needs to be home. I need him home. I don't need him worrying and fussing and bitchy."

"And having him in Bitchy Alice's body is going to make him see…what?"

I blew out a breath and rubbed my stomach after receiving a particularly strong blow. "Look, if you don't want to help me…"

"Fuck, Alice. Of course I do. I can see what this is doing to you two. You guys are like…" She sighed and sat down next to me, grabbing my hand. "If Emmett and Rosalie are the sexual ones, and Edward and I are the prudes, you and Jasper have always been the soulmates, the best friends, the ones that defied logic. Your relationship is more than just husband/wife. You're like…an island out at sea. The whole world could spontaneously combust around you but as long as you two have each other, that's all you need."

I sniffled as silent tears fell. I used to think that. But now…he was always gone and this pregnancy, while much easier than Reagan's, was still tough on my body. After this, I knew we were through, no matter what. I just hoped I'd get through these next few weeks without bed rest. Jasper thought bed rest would be so much fun. I'd have my girls come over, give me mani's and pedi's, they would take turns watching Reagan and/or we'd sit and watch fucking lifetime movies all damn day. But that wasn't the way it went. Life didn't happen like that.

"I just want my Jazzy back." I whispered. "And if it does for him and me what it did for Rose and Emmett, then I'm all for it."

She sighed and kissed my cheek. "Okay. If you're sure."

I hugged her tightly, and then called for my daughter, who Bella had watched while Emmett and I were out on our errand. "Reagan! Come on, honey! Help Anthony clean up and let's go home."

She raced into the room only moments later. "Is Daddy going to be home for supper?"

_I sure as hell hope so, _I thought.

And he was, pulling into the driveway just as I pulled the chicken pot pie, his favorite, from the oven. "Mmm-mmm! Ali! It smells good in here." He said as he walked in the door.

"Daddy!" Reagan called as she raced to him. He scooped her up and kissed her before kissing me lightly as well.

I smiled. "Thank you."

"What's the occasion?" He asked, almost worriedly.

I laughed at that. Typical Jasper was worried he'd missed something. He never forgot dates and things, he was just wired differently than Emmett, who Bella and I had to remind of every event that had ever happened in his and Rosalie's life. "Nothing, sweets, just wanted to do something nice for you. I know how hard you're working and all…"

He nodded. "Let me clean up and I'll be right back, okay?"

I nodded, rubbing my stomach. I felt a little bit queasy and it had nothing to do with the pregnancy.

I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to make it through dinner and helping Reagan with her nighttime routine, getting her tucked into bed before I made my way back to the kitchen. He had cleaned up the dishes and I could hear the TV playing from the family room. No doubt he had turned on something after he'd said his good nights to our daughter.

I pulled out both tarts from where I had hidden them in the fridge, grabbed a beer for Jasper, a glass of milk for me and made my way into the living room. "Want a treat?" I asked.

His eyes lit up. "Bella's key lime tarts? Wow. How did you talk her into giving them over?"

I shrugged. "She owed me a favor."

"Thanks, darlin', really." He took the tray from me and sat it on the coffee table. "Sit with me? Snuggle?" He asked.

My heart caught. It was so rare that we got to sit down and just relax. "Okay, I'd like that."

He had on some special about the civil war, one of his favorite pastimes. I sat next to him on the sofa and he handed me my glass of milk, my tart, and…bless him, even my newest copy of Vogue. I had forgotten to check the mail today. He then slid a bit away from me and picked up my feet, rubbing them.

I sighed. This was the way it was supposed to be. I almost felt bad for what I was about to do. I watched him hungrily devour his tart and look longingly at mine. I smirked and took a big bite out of it. I chewed thoughtfully. It didn't taste any different, even though I knew the herbs were in there. At least, I hoped they were in there. Oh God, what if Bella and Edward got them instead? I was going to be so fucking pissed…

The show went off and Jasper said, "Come on, sugar. Let's get you to bed." I hadn't even noticed I'd dozed off as he had continued to rub my feet.

I blinked and looked at him. "Jazz?"

"Yeah, come on, sweetness."

I came awake fully and looked down. My huge pregnant belly stared back at me. It didn't work. I could have cried. In fact, the waterworks started.

"Ali? What's wrong, baby?"

"I…I don't know!" I sobbed.

He gave me a little half-smile and pulled me up. "Come on, let's get you to bed, okay?"

I nodded. "O-okay." I hiccupped.

He led me up the stairs and sat me on the bed, tugging at my dress he had already scooted up my hips. His breath caught. "My God but you're beautiful."

"No I'm not," I whispered. "I'm fat."

"You're pregnant. With my child. You couldn't be more beautiful if you tried, sweetie." His lips found my neck and started suckling gently as his hands traveled to unclasp my bra.

"Jazz…"

"Alice…" He whimpered as he laid me down. He slipped my panties from my body and gently rolled me to my side, the only position I was comfortable enough with to make love in now that I was so far along. He stood, removing his clothing quickly enough before he was back, kissing my stomach on his way up to my breasts.

"Oh, Ali, baby…" He whispered against my skin.

"Jasper…please…"

He spooned up to me then and entered me slowly. I moaned at the sensation. It felt so good, like coming home. I bucked my hips and he hissed as he slowly started to move. "Alice…you feel so good."

"You do too," My voice was just a breath in the dark.

We continued to rock slowly and he took his time bringing me to climax twice before he let himself go. I felt his breath hot on my neck as he kissed it. His tongue ghosted over my ear as he wrapped his arms around me. "I love you so much, Alice. Never forget that, okay?"

I was too overcome with emotions, so I just nodded. "I love you too," I replied once more. I felt him doze off, his breathing going deeper and I blew out a breath. Now that I'd come out of my post-orgasmic high, my mind went into overdrive.

_Why didn't it work? I thought it happened after Em and Rosalie fell asleep. Maybe we both need to sleep. Maybe it's the stroke of midnight…_ I glanced at the clock. 11:58. Okay, I can wait. I started tapping my foot against the sheet as I watched the clock. It seemed to take an eternity before it read midnight. _Did it work? _I felt down, hoping for something, anything…but all I felt was my stomach. Shit. This isn't going to work. Part of me felt bad that I had even stooped so low as to do this to Jasper, but the other part of me wanted him to know for just a few days what it was like…what I went through…

Finally, exhaustion, worry, and pregnancy took over and I fell asleep.

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Jasper POV

I laid in the dark, catching my breath from the fantastic love making I had just shared with my wife. And that is exactly what it was, love making. I had wanted so much to reassure her how much she means to me.

Ever since I had seen her sitting on that bench in the college quad, absentmindedly chewing on the end of her pencil, I had been entranced. She was like some magical fairy. I knew from that moment she was my soul mate, my other half, the yin to my yang. I knew she would be mine.

I had walked right up to her and let my Texas drawl take over. I mean, that was my hook. Emmett had the body to make girls drool and Edward, with his fuckin' sex hair and crooked grin, could make a woman drop her panties without even trying. But me, I was all about the southern charm. I could usually make a girl cream her panties when I started calling them 'darlin'.

"_Hello there, darlin. My name's Jasper, what's yours?"_

"_Alice."_

"_Well, Alice, I was wondering if you would like to grab some lunch with me?"_

_She looked up from her sketch book through the longest eyelashes I had ever seen and gave me a seductive smile._

"_Actually, Jasper, how about we skip lunch and go straight to dessert? This pencil isn't nearly as satisfying as you would be in my mouth."_

That had shocked the shit out of me, but who I was I to say no? We had been together ever since. Now here we were fixing to have another daughter.

My girls. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed to find out we were having a girl again. I think it is normal that a man wants a son to carry on his name, play sports with. But I loved my daughter and my wife. And if I was destined to be the only man in a house full of females then so be it. I would just live vicariously through Em and Edward's boys.

I felt Alice shifting in the bed beside me. Damn she was antsy. And this pregnancy wasn't helping any. She felt like the house had to be absolutely spotless. Not to mention that she was trying to get Reagan used to the idea of being a big sister. She didn't want her to feel neglected with all the baby activity going on.

It seems like the last few months we had just been ill at each other all the time. I was ecstatic to finally be away from Hale Architecture, but being with Rose and Emmett made me feel like I needed to prove my worth. I came into our firm a full partner with not so much as a dime of my own money invested. So I made up for it my own way. I worked late. Took on extra projects and assignments to give Rose and Em some alone time and in doing so I was not home as much as I wanted to be.

She just couldn't understand how important it was for me to carry my own weight. I was a military brat, never staying in one place for long. My father, although not particularly loving, did instill a strong work ethic in me. I knew when Alice agreed to marry me she was marrying beneath her social stature. I made a mental promise to myself that my family would never want for anything. And they hadn't. Well at least nothing that was a necessity. She still insisted on going to Daddy Brandon for the items I deemed extravagant. A fact that had led to our last big fight.

She wanted to buy all new furniture for Rose and Emmett's new baby. Bella and Edward were going in on halves, but even at that, it was a hell of an expense. It just wasn't in the budget right now. I almost relented, just because it was Alice and I would do anything to make her happy. But then she had informed me she already told Bella we would do it. I mean what the hell? What happened to discussing large purchases before they were bought? So I had put my foot down and said no. And what did she do? She asked her daddy for the money. And now we had a whole nursery of boxed furniture waiting for Rosalie's shower. That shit did not go down well. I mean, if she could have just waited a few months we could have gotten the money together. But _noooo _she wanted them bought fucking _now._ She never could wait for anything...

All I wanted now was to get through the next few weeks. I had been trying to convince Alice that if she would just stay in bed more, the rest of the pregnancy might be easier. But she was having none of it. And then tonight she had made my favorite dinner and dessert. She was just trying to stretch herself too thin. Why does she not understand that all I wanted was her and our baby safe and sound?

I felt her shift and sigh one more time. She was obviously having a hard time going to sleep. It had been getting progressively worse the bigger she got. No wonder, considering she looked like she had swallowed a watermelon.

I let my mind wander back to our college days as I fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

I awoke the following morning from a night full of lust filled dreams. _Damn I'm horny!_ It seemed like my hormones were in overdrive.

I decided that since Alice had gone to so much trouble to make me a nice dinner, then the least I could do was return the favor with breakfast in bed.

I made my way to the kitchen to start the coffee maker. _Ohhh! What was that?_ It was like a sharp pain right in my lower abdomen. And why do I have to pee so badly? It is as if a bowling ball was sitting on my bladder. And the heartburn. I never get heartburn. But here I am with a fire burning in my chest.

The pain of the heartburn overruled my desire to take a leak, so I made my way to the kitchen where we kept most of our medications. And for some reason, Alice insisted on keeping the Pepto-Bismol in the fridge. I never had figured that one out.

_What the fuck is wrong with me? I am some _kind _of fucking uncomfortable!_ Damn, I hope this is not what old age is going to be like. If it is, just cart me out right now.

I shuffled over to the fridge to grab the pink concoction when I felt that same sharp pain in my stomach, but now it is on the other side. I ran my hand down to touch the sensitive spot.

What the fuck?

Why in the fuck is my stomach so big? And what are those - boobs? Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!

"Alice!" I screamed as I ran to the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror and saw Alice's pixie face staring back at me.

"Alice! Oh God, Al. Hurry!"

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the reflection staring back at me. I heard the gasp from the other side of the door as I slowly turned to see my lanky frame.

"Jazz?"

"Alice, what is…? I mean… what the hell? Am I in your body?"

I watched as a strange expression crossed her, I mean, my, face. It almost looked like guilt.

"I think so Jasper. I'm in your body and you're in mine."

"It's not possible. We must be dreaming." This is like some freaky shit off a movie I thought to myself as another pain hit my side. "Shit that hurts!" I winced.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" She asked as she came and placed her…I mean… my, I mean, fuck… hands on her stomach.

"I guess. I have just been having these sharp pains all morning, and I have terrible heartburn. Not to mention I am horny as fuck."

She looked at me for a moment and an evil smile crept upon her, I mean, my, lips.

"Welcome to the wonderful world of pregnancy."

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AN2: Was it as good for you as it was us? LOL…don't forget to leave love on the way out the door. It's the only payment we get, and Twilightmom has four kids, so she has to work even harder than I do to get her stuff written.

**Special thanks to the lovely fiberkitty for being our MASTERbeta. Love ya girl! **


	2. Saturday

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. 'Nuff said. Actually, fiberkitty said we needed to state that we are NOT SM because we kick ass, so, no, we are NOT Stephenie Meyer. If we were, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than **_**Renesmee **_

**AN: WOW you guys! We are SERIOUSLY awed and thrilled you are enjoying this story and our new collab penname so much! The response is overwhelming! Let's make this one of the biggest, best collabs out there! Whoot!**

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Alice POV

I was jarred from my slumber by the shrill screaming of my husband. "Alice!" He yelled. I sat straight up without thinking. "Alice! Oh God, Al. Hurry!"

I ran to the bathroom and there before me, was my body. I gasped and he, I mean, I, I mean, he, turned toward me. "Jazz?"

"Alice, what is…? I mean… what the hell? Am I in your body?"

_Oh my God, it worked. _"I think so Jasper." I said softly. "I'm in your body and you're in mine."

"It's not possible. We must be dreaming." I watched him grasp my, I mean, his, stomach. "Shit that hurts!" He said with a wince.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked as I put my hand next to his.

"I guess. I have just been having these sharp pains all morning, and I have terrible heartburn. Not to mention I am horny as fuck."

I couldn't quite help the sheer satisfaction that coursed through me then. "Welcome to the wonderful world of pregnancy."

He looked at me blankly. "What in the name of fuck are you talking about, Alice?"

I bit my lip. "Well, um…see…there was this old Indian…"

"Please don't tell me you believe in any kind of hinky voodoo shit, Alice." He said as he put his hand on his hip. Huh. My body was really cute when I was pregnant. I'd not really paid attention to it before. It was easy to miss when you were bloated and miserable and your boobs hurt like someone was mashing them. I felt a strange sensation between my legs and Jasper rolled his, I mean, my eyes. "Of course. You see me standing here half-assed dressed and you get horny. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"It's _your _body I'm in, Jasper! I can't help it if it responds to how I look in the mornings!"

He grinned then. "Yeah, well, _now _you finally see what I do."

I sighed. "Look, okay, so, yeah, I ungh, I kinda slipped you some voodoo herbs and made you eat them. I did too, and we switched."

His arms were folded over his boobs as he shook his head. "Nope, uh-uh. Not buying it. This is a dream. Any minute now, I'll wake up and this will all have been a nightmare…" He shut his eyes tight and opened them up really quickly.

I rolled my eyes. "Really? How'd that work out for ya, Mr. Whitlock?"

"H-how is this possible, Alice?" He asked me.

I shook my head. "Emmett."

"I'll fucking kill him."

My eyebrow rose. "Not in that body, you won't, sweetness."

He let out a little growl. Again, I smiled. I was too cute for words, I really was. No wonder people couldn't say no to me. I was irresistible.

"Did you really do this, Alice?"

I nodded. "I'm afraid so. Baby, it's just for a day or so. Emmett and Rosalie were only like this a week, and…"

"A week?" His voice went up an octave. "A fucking _week_? Alice. I have a job, a life, I can't be _you _for a week!"

"Why is that, Jasper Lee Whitlock? Can't hack it? Or is it because you think I don't _do _anything all damn day long?!"

He sighed and leaned against the counter. "Ali, come on, you can't be serious! This is awful! If men were meant to be pregnant, they'd have eggs."

"And if humans were meant to fly, they'd have feathers growing out of their ass, Jasper, but man still invented the fucking _airplane_!"

His, well, _my_ shoulders started shaking as he turned away from me. Crap. Pregnancy hormones. "Jazzy?"

"I do appreciate you, Alice," He said, sniffling. "I love you, so much, baby. I'm sorry, was…have I not been good enough to you? Not appreciated you enough? Tell me? Make this right. Let's just switch back and…"

"We can't," I whispered.

"Why not?" He asked.

"I don't know how we switch back."

"WHAT?! What do you mean, 'I don't know how to switch back'? That's…that's like taking a car apart without knowing how to put it back together again! It doesn't work!"

"Don't yell at me!" I said, tears in my own eyes. Just because I was in his body didn't mean my heart wasn't still sensitive.

"Baby…" He started, wrapping his small arms around me. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't mean to do this, I just thought maybe we could…I don't know, I just…"

"It's done now. So, how are we going to deal with it?"

I blew out a breath. "I don't know, but we'll figure out something."

Just then, I heard a tap-tap-tap on our door. Reagan. "Jazz…just, play this cool, okay?"

He nodded, and caught the robe I threw at him, belting it around his, I mean, my, enormous belly.

"Mommy? Daddy?"

"In here, princess," I said, calling her by the name Jasper always used.

"Are you okay, Mommy?" She asked Jasper. "Is the baby okay?"

Jasper smiled at her. "Sure, Ray-Ray." He said, using another common nickname of hers. "We're fine, just a little tired. I think it's going to play soccer."

She giggled. "Can I watch some cartoons?"

Jasper nodded. "I think that's a great idea. Go on downstairs. We'll be down in a minute. Are you hungry?"

"Will you make your special pancakes?"

I winced. Jasper never could get those right…

"Not this morning," Jasper said softly. "But I promise, I'll make it up to you, okay?"

Her lower lip pouted, much like mine does when I don't get _my _way, but she said, "Okay. Maybe Daddy will take me out for breakfast and let you rest…?"

I smiled at her. "I think that's an excellent idea." He shot me a look, but I knelt down in front of her, my much longer legs bending oddly, feeling funny. Hmmm, I could get used to this height thing. "Go watch TV and we'll get you ready in a minute, okay? Maybe we'll let Mommy rest and bring her back her favorite treat."

She kissed my cheek. "Okay, Daddy." She then let out a little "yay!" and ran back through the house. I straightened back up and looked at Jasper. "Don't look at me with that tone of voice."

"I'll give you whatever tone I want to. What the hell do you think you're doing? You're going to leave me here? What if I go into labor or something?"

I rolled my eyes. "Jasper, I've got like, six weeks left. It'll be fine. Relax. Go, pee, and then lay back down. Rest today. I'll take Ray to get her something to eat, then we'll go play at the park for a little while, then, when we're finished, we'll come back and I'll fix you something really nice to eat, okay?"

"But I'm hungry now," He whined.

Ahhh…sweet, sweet music. I loved knowing he was whining already. He'd only been me for a few minutes, well, that he was awake, anyway. Yes, I know, I'm evil. "Then, go pee and I'll go get you a little something to eat."

"And something for the heartburn?" He asked hopefully.

"Oh, honey, _nothing _helps the heartburn. But I'll get you a big glass of milk, okay?"

"Would you fix me a grilled cheese?" He asked.

I smiled. "Yeah, baby, that I can do."

"Thanks." He said softly, shuffling to the toilet. I decided to give him some privacy and ran to the other bathroom on my way to the kitchen. I shut the door behind me and pulled my pajama pants down.

Huh. So…how does one work a penis anyway? I thought back to the times I would brush my teeth and see Jasper urinating behind me via the mirror. I grasped the cock between my legs…wow, odd sensation, and kind of pointed it in the general direction I wanted the pee to go. However, it kinda had a mind of its own and ended up getting me wet with pee.

"Eww!" I said, running over to wash my hand off. "Gross." I guess it takes more than just aiming? I decided I'd better just sit. Unfortunately, by sitting, I forgot to point the damn thing down, and shot some pee out onto the floor. "Fucking shit!" I growled. "How do you work this thing?" Finally, I managed to point it down in the toilet and finished relieving myself.

After that was done, I stood back up and surveyed the damage. Crap. Now I had to clean up. Eww…I grabbed some toilet paper and quickly mopped up my mess before tossing it into the toilet and flushing.

Unfortunately, I put too much toilet paper into the toilet and it clogged. "Jazzy!" I called. Then it occurred to me. Crap. _I'm _Jazzy. I'll have to fix this myself. I shuffled out to the garage and searched for the plunger-thingy. I managed to find it on a low shelf and took it back into the bathroom.

I looked at it and then looked at the toilet. _How hard can this be, right? _I shoved the plunger into the toilet and gave it a few good pushes. Water sloshed over the edge, drenching my feet in the process. I yelped and tried to get away, but my foot slipped on the wet tile and I landed hard on my ass.

The toilet, however, started making a sucking noise and did that little tornado thingy, sucking all the water and paper down with it. Good. See? I'm not completely helpless. The bathroom was covered in piss and toilet water, but I managed.

I proudly mopped up the mess, returned the plunger to the garage, and made my way back upstairs.

"Did you bring my sandwich and milk?" Jasper asked as I walked back in.

Damn it, I knew I forgot something. "No, baby, the toilet got stopped up and I had to deal with that. I'm kinda covered in pee right now. Give me a minute to shower?"

He sighed. "Oh, okay…I'll just get up and get it…"

"No, no, no, no, baby, I can do it. Just let me shower super-fast, okay?"

He smiled at me. "Okay, thank you."

I smiled too and kissed him quickly before hurrying into the shower. One thing about being a man? It only took me like, seven minutes to shower. I got out, ran a comb through my hair, threw on some blue-jeans and a nice polo shirt, and slipped into some Sperry's. But…something seemed amiss.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I knew I needed to shave his face, but _that _wasn't going to happen today. Huh…his hair was getting too long. Maybe I needed to make an appointment. I hated not going out in makeup, but, desperate times call for desperate measures.

_Okay, get Reagan ready, make Jasper something to eat, then we can just make it to get breakfast…_I hurried then, throwing together Jasper's sandwich, slapping it onto a plate with some strawberries in a bowl and his glass of milk. I called to Reagan, with her instructions to "get nekkid" or to get down to her panties, so I could help her get dressed, and hurried back to Jasper.

He was propped up, flipping through the TV channels. I smiled. It was so weird…I wasn't sure how I liked being a guy, but I did enjoy not being miserable. "Here you go." I said, plopping the tray down in front of him.

His, well, _my, _(I was going to have to get used to that,) lower lip poked out. "No grapefruit?"

I sighed. "Sorry, honey, we're all out. I'll get you some when I go to the store…"

"No, that's okay. I guess I'll make do…"

I rolled my eyes. Somebody was milking this thing already. "Okay, I'll get Reagan ready and we'll get out of your hair. Just lay there, relax, and watch TV, okay?"

He nodded and puckered his lips for a kiss. I smiled and kissed him chastely. "I love you." I told him.

"Sometimes I wonder…" He replied glumly. "But I love you too."

I kissed him once more and quickly went to get Reagan ready. We then hurried down to the cars. Oh, the cars. His Mustang sat there, taunting me. He'd often said I wasn't "man" enough to drive it. Well, honey, I'm man enough now. "Come on, Princess. Let's go."

"Ooh…in your car, Daddy?"

I nodded. "Just let me get your booster seat, and you can sit in the back. We'll even crank the music up, okay?"

She giggled and scrambled into the car, waiting for me to switch her booster over. Once she was belted in, we buzzed down the road. My first mistake, however, was singing along to the Jonas Brothers. Apparently dads didn't think the Jonas Brothers were cool. How could they not? The kids loved them. Oh well. "Okay then, what do you want to listen to in Daddy's car?" I asked her after she looked at me like I'd grown a second head.

"Carrie Underwood, Daddy, like we always do."

I rolled my eyes before flipping through the center console and found her CD. _Yeah, right. He likes her for her music…uh-huh. _"Okay, toots, which song?" I asked my daughter.

"Number two, Daddy, the one you say is yours and Mommy's song."

My eyebrow rose as I popped the disk in and turned it to track two. _Jasper thinks we have a song? _Soon, Carrie's sweet voice filled the car, and I felt bad for my earlier assessment of my husband. Guess he liked Carrie for more than her looks.

_**Since the day they got married  
He'd been praying for a little baby boy  
Someone he could take fishing  
Throw the football and be his pride and joy  
He could already see him holding that trophy  
Taking his team to state  
But when the nurse came in with a little pink blanket  
All those big dreams changed**_

And now, he's wrapped around her finger  
She's the center of his whole world  
And his heart belongs to that sweet, little, beautiful, wonderful, perfect  
All American girl

"We listen to this one a lot, Ray-Ray?"

She nodded. "Every time we're in the car together, silly Daddy. You always say this is how Poppy felt about Mommy cuz he wanted a boy and got Mommy instead."

_**Sixteen short years later  
She was falling for the senior football star  
Before you knew it he was dropping passes  
Skipping practice just to spend more time with her  
The coach said, "hey son what is your problem  
Tell me have you lost your mind  
Daddy said you'll lose your free ride to college  
Boy, you better tell her goodbye"**_

But now, he's wrapped around her finger  
She's the center of his whole world  
And his heart belongs to that sweet, little, beautiful, wonderful, perfect  
All American

"I say that?" I asked. Jasper was right, though. I had wrapped my father around my finger effortlessly, even though he had longed for a boy. He'd never gotten one, only a little girl to dote on.

She rolled her eyes, a carbon copy of me. "Yep. Then this last part you say is when you fell in love with Mommy, how you wanted a little girl just like her, and you got me!"

I smiled as I listened to the words;

_**And when they got married and decided to have one of their own  
She said, "be honest, tell me what you want"  
And he said, "honey you outta know**_

A sweet, little, beautiful, one just like you  
I want a beautiful, wonderful, perfect All American"

Now, he's wrapped around her finger  
She's the center of his whole world  
And his heart belongs to that sweet, little, beautiful, wonderful, perfect  
All American girl

All American girl

"I guess you're right, Princess. That's exactly how I feel about you and Mommy isn't it?"

"Yup, and you're really excited we're going to have a new baby girl too, right? I can show her all about dollies and tea parties and fingernail polishes and…" Then she was off, talking about all the girlie things she would do with her baby sister. I sighed as I thought of what I'd done. Maybe this whole body-switch thing was a mistake…

We made it to the diner, her and Jasper's usual hang-out for Saturday mornings. I normally came too, but since I had been _so _pregnant lately, Jasper had been taking her and letting me sleep in some. It was nice. I enjoyed that time alone to sleep, relax, de-stress. Hopefully Jasper would too.

To my surprise, when we got out of the car, Emmett was waiting there with Hope and Faith. "Hi, guys!" I said as Reagan practically leapt from the car to her friends.

Emmett smiled. "Hello…Jasper."

My eyes grew wide. "How did you…?"

He smiled. "You didn't think I wouldn't know you'd go right home and use that stuff, did you, Ali-Cat?"

"Uh…yes?"

He laughed. "Come on, _Jasper,_ let's take care of our girls, kay?"

I nodded. We found a round, corner booth with the three girls between us, chattering away. "So, how did you know where to find me?"

He laughed. "Jazz called all in a panic when the baby punched him in the bladder. He's freaking out. Rose sent me over here to deal with you and she's gone over to give him a hand."

"Good, it'll do him good to get a taste of what I have to deal with."

Emmett winced. "Al, listen, I know why you did this, and I don't really blame you, I guess, but you need to give him a break here. I mean, when Ro and I…well, you know, I didn't have all of _this _to deal with, ya know?"

I shot him a look. "Are you trying to imply that I'm selfish, or that Jasper can't handle this?"

"Both." He said flatly.

"You son of a…"

"Little ears," He said with a grin.

I shot him a look and mouthed, "Fuck off, Emmett," to him.

His grin grew. "Now _that _sounded like something that would come from Jasper Whitlock's mouth."

**

* * *

**

Jasper POV

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuckity-Fuck!!!

I am fucking pregnant in my wife's body. Which higher being did I piss off to get myself into this predicament?

Oh yeah… a little fashion fairy named Alice is to blame. I can not believe she did this to me…to us. I have done everything I could to make her happy and this is what I get in return? Well I hope she is prepared for a rude awakening. My life ain't so easy. And if she wants to play hard ball then it is time to get my game on. We'll see how Little Miss Alice likes being the man of the house for the week.

I made my way to the kitchen to dispose of my dirty dishes. I guess you could say I waddled. How this little tiny body could support this huge stomach was beyond me. I felt like an egg on legs or one of those fuckin' weeble-wobble toys.

I had no sooner got to the kitchen than I had to piss…AGAIN! I had already been to the bathroom twice. I felt a sharp pain as I clenched my legs together in hopes of not wetting myself. I teetered back to the bathroom wondering how it was possible to have that much fluid needing to come out.

Maybe something was wrong? How the hell was I supposed to know what is normal and what's not? I contemplated calling Alice but just couldn't bring myself to do it. That's all I needed was to let her have the upper hand in this little game she had concocted.

I thought about calling Bella and Edward, but this shit was just a little too weird to try and explain. I could hear the conversation now.

"_Hey guys, you won't believe this but Alice and I have switched bodies. I can't seem to stop peeing, the baby feels like she is playing soccer with my intestines and I can't ask Alice because she will think it is too fucking funny I am needing help after only thirty minutes. You got any Dr. Spock words of wisdom for the pregnant man?"_

Nope…too fucking weird. Well now what do I do?

Emmett. Alice had mentioned Emmett was involved. That little prick was going to get it when I got my body back. I picked up the phone and dialed his number.

"Hello."

"Hello, Emmett. Do you know who this is?" I sing-songed into the phone.

"Of course I do, Alice. I have only known you for the last ten years. What's up?"

"I'll tell you what's up, dickwad. My feet. My swollen, pregnant feet and from what I heard, I have you to thank for this fucked up situation."

"Jazz?" I could hear a slight amount of fear in his voice and it at least calmed me down a bit.

"Yes, it's Jazz, you fucker. How could you let her do this to me? I'm pregnant, Emmett. I am trapped in my pregnant wife's body. And I have no idea what to do. My back hurts and I have to keep peeing and I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. And now I am fucking crying you asswipe. Do you have any idea what this is like?" _Fucking hormones_. I was blubbering like an idiot.

"Yes, I do know what it is like. I…I mean Rose and I …where is Alice?"

I tried to get a handle on my waterworks.

"She took Reagan out for breakfast, our usual hangout. And what do you mean you know what it is like?"

"Listen, I am out with the girls. I am going to call and send Rose over to help you because I honestly don't know what else to do. Believe me she can sympathize with the situation. Just relax and she'll be there in fifteen minutes. Okay?"

"Kay. Thanks, Em." I felt a little better knowing Rose was on her way. At least she would understand somewhat since she was pregnant as well.

I hung up the phone only to realize I was still in my pjs. I rushed as fast as my little legs would carry me to our bedroom. And man, are they small. No wonder she is always telling me to slow down when we go somewhere.

I pulled a pair of stretchy type jogging pants on and got one of my actual shirts. It certainly didn't look like something Alice would wear but it would have to do. I heard the doorbell ring and made my way down the stairs to see Rose already coming in the front door.

"Morning, you sexy little momma."

"You do know its Jasper right?"

"Course I do. I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to call you a sexy momma. Now Em says you need some help."

I gestured up and down my body with complete exasperation. "You think? I mean I am in my wife's body."

"Come on. I think there are some things you need to know."

We both got comfortable on the couch as she took a deep breath. "Do you remember several months ago, before I got pregnant with baby Kellan, Emmett and I seemed to act extremely strange for about a week? We were just like you and Alice. We had switched bodies."

"No fucking way, Rose. Things like that don't happen except in the movies. I mean how…what happened?"

She let out a sigh as she started to trace circles on her belly. I looked down to my surprise I had been doing the same thing. This must be some weird preggie thing to rub your stomach.

"Em and I accidentally ate some brownies that had a Native American magic herb in it. We went to sleep and woke up in each other's bodies."

I listened intently as she recounted that entire week. Suddenly all the strange things that Emmett had done made sense. I even had to excuse myself because I thought I was going to wet my pants when she told me they had taken him to a male review. That shit was going to be brought up once I was back in my own body. Em being gyrated on by almost nude men was just too good to pass up.

"Well, Rose, all this is fascinating and it does explain a lot but I want to know how to get back in my body."

"I don't know what to tell you, Jazz. Seth's grandfather just told us it would happen in time after we learned to appreciate each other and it did."

I felt tears start to form in my eyes. _Damn it does everything make you cry_?

"Now, don't cry or I'll start too and I hate to fucking cry. Everything will work out in the end. Emmett and I will handle your responsibilities at work until you are back."

"No, don't do that. I mean I want you to guide her since this is not her career. I don't want to jeopardize any of our clients. But I want her to see what I go through for her, for our girls. I mean you and Emmett didn't choose for it to happen but Alice did. She wanted me to see what it is like to be her; well I want the same thing. So bring it on. Tell me what I need to know, baby momma."

She gave me a wicked smile. "You do know I'm pregnant too and I always side with Alice, right?"

"I most certainly do and right now I _am_ Alice. So can you at least tell me what is going on with this little alien?" I said gesturing towards my huge stomach.

"Okay, first of all, Alice is going to the doctor every week now that she is so close to her due date and I know everything is right on schedule. The baby is fine, she…you…are fine."

"Second, I am sure everything you are feeling is normal. Let me just give you the cliff notes of pregnancy. You will be uncomfortable. You back, legs, feet and boobs will hurt. You will have major mood swings - all the time. Get used to it. One minute you will be on top of the world and the next you will see some sappy commercial on TV and start bawling like a baby."

I just had to roll my eyes at that statement. I had already cried more this morning than I had in my whole freaking life.

"Heartburn is a bitch. You might as well throw the industrial size bottle of Tums in your purse. You will have to go to the bathroom constantly, especially at your late stage. I can walk into any major store and tell you exactly how to get to the bathroom. It is just a fact of life. The baby will sit directly on your bladder."

I know my eyes had to have been the size of saucers as she went on to explains cravings and insomnia and all the other shit I was fixing to endure. I have been sentenced to Hell. My beautiful, sweet wife has turned into Lucifer and decided to send me to purgatory.

"But Jasper, it is all worth it when you hold that baby in your arms. You will forget all the bad things and just feel so amazed that you brought this perfect creature into this world." Rose's face had gone into such a sweet expression that it took me a minute to realize that to hold that baby in my arms I was going to have to get it out of my body.

Suddenly the room started to get fuzzy as I thought about pushing this watermelon size being out the tiny orifice of my body I had just recently acquired. I mean honestly, there is a reason why women are the ones who go through childbirth. Although you may be hard pressed to find a man to admit it, we are basically chicken shits when it comes to self inflicted sacrifice. If men had to endure half of what she had told me the last hour than the human race would die out.

"Rose, you have to help us figure out how to switch back. I can _not_ go through childbirth."

That same evil smile graced her face that Alice had been wearing when she found me in the bathroom this morning. I was beginning to worry that Emmett and I may be having dual baby showers before the week was over with. Slowly her eyes came back into focus as she retreated from what I could only imagine was of Emmett in a hospital gown while she yelled at him to push.

"I seriously don't think you need to worry about that, Jasper. Alice is still six weeks away from her due date. However, if you start having bad pains that seem to come more from your lower back than that is something to be concerned about."

This was getting worse by the fucking minute.

"Rose, what do you not get? I CAN NOT DELIVER A BABY!" I screamed. I felt the blood rush to my head as I gripped on to the arm of the couch.

"Well, _Mrs._ Whitlock, the only one who truly decides when the baby gets here is the baby itself. So if you have a large sudden gush of water coming from your nether region, you'd better let someone know."

Water breaking… labor… dear God in Heaven.

"Oh and another sure sign is if you go to the bathroom and you have this bloody mucus type secretion. Then that means the baby is definitely on its way…"

Bloody mucus was the last thing I remembered as I felt the room spin and I promptly passed out.

* * *

I came to, only to find my face staring back at me, while Emmett and Rosalie looked on. "Jazzy? Baby?" Alice asked me.

My eyes narrowed and I felt my nostrils flair. I heaved myself up off the couch and in a speed I didn't know Alice's pregnant belly could achieve, I launched myself at her and my body. My hands caught her while she was still bent over and they went around her, I mean, my, neck. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! DO YOU NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE?!"

I let out a sob and fell back to the couch. "I can't do this, Ali. Why do you hate me so much? Why would you do this to me?" I couldn't control my sobs.

I felt the couch shift as she sat next to me. "Baby…I'm so sorry, sweetie. It was the hormones. I…I'm so sorry, Jazzy. I love you, so much. I just wanted you to…"

"To what? Be fucking _miserable_? I get it, okay? I know you didn't want this, I know you didn't…"

"Jasper Lee Whitlock. Don't you dare finish that sentence." She said with a growl. "You know perfectly well I wanted that baby. I love the baby and I love you."

"Then why, Ali? Why would you do this?"

"It's something…hell, Jasper. I don't know, okay? I wasn't thinking. I was just feeling sorry for myself and under appreciated and…" She shook her, I mean, my, head. "Forgive me?" She whispered.

I sighed, my hand once more rubbing my stomach. I felt a tiny kick and it somehow gave me some encouragement. "I can never stay mad at you, baby." I told her. "I'm sorry, I'm just…this is so new and you threw me into this and I have no fucking idea what I'm doing and…"

She smiled. "We'll help you, and we'll figure out how to do this, okay? We just…we need to get the full effect for a few days, see how we can help each other more, respect each other more, that kind of thing…"

I shot her a look, not entirely sure I was buying this load of bullshit she was feeding me, but I went with it. "Okay. For you, Ali."

She kissed me then, and damn if I didn't feel fucking horny again. Shit. One would think as big as this stomach was I wouldn't be after getting a piece of her ass…I felt some nausea then. Fuck. She has my cock…even if we were to have sex…shit!

"Jazz? What's wrong?"

"Sex…"

She blinked. "You want sex?"

"No. Sex, with my body, your body…"

Rosalie giggled and Emmett grinned. "Dude, you'll never look at orgasms the same way again. _Trust_ me."

My nose wrinkled. "Man, I don't wanna know about that."

Rose laughed. "I don't think I've ever heard Alice say 'man' in her life."

"Shut it, Rosy-posy." Alice shot back.

"Bitch." Rose muttered under her breath. "Don't go there, Alice. I'd hate to bring up any painful memories for you."

Alice's, well, _my _face, boy, I was still having trouble getting used to that, broke out into a killer grin. "Actually, since I'm in Jasper's body, I think the term is _bastard_, since I am, in fact, now a man."

Rose thought a moment. "Nope, pretty sure you're still a bitch."

"So, wait," I asked. "Edward and Bella…"

"Are in the dark." Alice said.

"And we'd appreciate it if you kept it that way." Rosalie said.

"Yeah, Eddie'd have us _all _committed to the loony bin."

I snorted. Edward was the most straight-laced person in the existence of mankind. I could see how that could be an issue. "Okay, Edward and Bella, no talky. Check. Anything else?"

They all smiled. "Well," Emmett said. "When this is all over, you can definitely say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you have been more in touch with your feminine side than any other man, besides me, that you know."

I threw a pillow at him.

* * *

**AN2: Yes, we know most doctors only see you once a week when you're a month out and she's still shy of that. But, due to the complications Alice had with Reagan and also the fact that she's so tiny, the doctor wants her in every week. Can't you just see Jasper up in stirrups? Not to worry...you will.**

**Don't forget the review on your way out...thankies! We love ya! **

**P.S. Can't forget to thank that lovely beta of ours. Fiberkitty, you rock!**


	3. Sunday

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. 'Nuff said. Actually, fiberkitty said we needed to state that we are NOT SM because we kick ass, so, no, we are NOT Stephenie Meyer. If we were, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than **_**Renesmee **_

**AN: Crap! Sorry you guys! MM1 here...I've had MAJOR drama over on another of my stories...if you're reading DS, then you know, so I was busy cranking out an 11,000 word chapter. YES, you heard me right. Actually, it's 11,475 words, but hey, who's counting, right? *snort***

**So...still enjoying Jasper being pregnant? *snickers* Here's the next in our little saga...feel sorry for them, won't you?**

**

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**

Alice POV

Somehow we managed to get through the rest of the day, how, I wasn't sure. Now it was the next morning and I was getting ready. To go paintballing. With Emmett. And Edward. "Jazzy!" I whined from the closet. "I can't believe you're making me do this!"

I heard my little kittenish growl as he stomped into our closet. "And _I _can't believe you're making me go to your stupid baby shower! How could you, Alice? How in God's name could you do this?!"

"I forgot!" I said with a growl of my own. "Do you really think I _want _to miss my baby shower? Can't I come? I'll sit over in the back and be quiet."

He shot me a look. "And have you get my man-card revoked the first time you squeal like a damned girl over some diapers? Fuck. No."

"Language!" I said sharply. "The baby can hear you, you know."

His, well, _my _eyes narrowed and I knew that look. He didn't have to be in his body for me to know it. "Alice, baby, _you _are the one that switched us. So you _will _go paintballing with the guys and you _will _win. Because if pansy ass Edward beats me I swear on all that is holy I won't buy you any new shoes for a fucking _month._"

I gasped. "Jasper Lee Whitlock! How _dare _you?!" I said, clutching my heart. "That's low, even for you. Just because you've got some kind of fucked up need to win at _everything _doesn't mean you can take away my shoe allowance!"

He growled something, but it was too low for me to hear. "What was that?" I asked.

He sighed as he tried to zip up the dress I'd put him in. "Nothing." He said in a defeated tone. "Can you please help me? I don't know what the hell I'm doing in this thing…"

I grinned. "It shouldn't be too hard." I retorted. "You didn't have any issues getting into that cheerleader outfit Emmett picked out for you a few months ago…"

His eyes narrowed once more. "That shit won't funny."

I giggled at his southern mannerisms. He liked to talk proper English, especially around Edward, who seemed so smart, but the fact of the matter was, my baby was from Texas, and down there, they talked a whole different language. "I thought you looked sexy."

A look crossed his, or rather, my, face and I knew it. Horny Alice's body was making an appearance. "I remember," He said softly.

His little purr went straight to my, er, _his,_ cock and I had to adjust it. "Does this happen a lot?" I asked, gesturing to the tent in my pajama pants.

He smiled. "Every time I think of you." He whispered as he came closer to me. "Alice?"

I blinked. "Yes?"

"I love you."

I smiled. "I love you too. Now, I guess you need to show me what the hell I need to wear…"

* * *

An hour later I was standing outside of "Pritchett's Paintball Emporium". It didn't look too imposing. I swallowed hard, bit my lip, and walked inside.

"Jazz man!" Emmett said with a grin. It had been him yesterday that said I had to come to this stupid thing because if I didn't show, quote, 'Edward would know something was up.' To which I still reply, 'bullshit'. "How's it going?"

I shot him a look and Edward said, "Man, what the fuck happened to your hair?"

I ran my fingers over it. Jasper had never taken my suggestion to put any gel in his hair, said it was for prissy boys…or Edward, but I had decided since he was gone, having taken Regan and rode with Rosalie and the girls to Bella's house for the shower, that I could improve on his already gorgeous looks. I'd teased his hair, shaved his face…with an electric razor, he didn't trust me with a real one, even though I've been shaving my legs…and other more _sensitive _areas since I was twelve, and put on some cologne.

I had, begrudgingly put on the clothes he'd laid out for me. He informed me if I lost, I'd be covered in paint, and I certainly didn't want to ruin the nice clothes I tried to put on him time and again. Jasper looked stunning in designer clothes. Unfortunately, he usually wore polo's and Wranglers. Not that I was opposed to the jeans, because my man's ass in denim was a sight to behold, but I liked seeing him all dressed up. He was beautiful, underwear model beautiful, and I wanted to show him off to the world.

I shrugged. "Nothing. I just felt like putting a little extra attention into myself. Is that a crime?" Edward just looked at me and Emmett had stuffed his fist into his mouth so as not to laugh hysterically.

I shot him another look and walked over to the counter. "So, what color paint do we get?" I asked.

Edward looked at me like I'd grown another head. "Jazz, you always pick white, because they don't have confederate grey."

I rolled my eyes. My husband had a serious thing about the civil war. Go figure. "Yeah, I just wondered if I should change my mind today." They had a really cool looking neon pink. That would be fun.

"Al," Emmett whispered. "Don't fuck with shit."

I growled and bought a pack of the pink paintballs. "Personally, I think you two pansies will look pretty all decorated in pink."

Emmett's mouth fell open and Edward laughed. "You are so on, bitch."

We gathered up the rest of our supplies and made our way to the outdoor obstacle course. "So, rules same as last time?" Edward asked.

I grinned. "Well, gentlemen, let's discuss this. How about we up the ante? Isn't our usual, biggest loser buys the beer?" They both nodded. "Well, how about the next-biggest loser buys the beer, and the first biggest loser has to pay out."

"In what?" Emmett and Edward asked in unison.

"In servitude."

Emmett snorted. "It sounds like something a girl would ask."

I grinned again, my smile going evil. "So, you'd want to scratch Edward's balls if he wins, Em? Because that's what this will be. Full servitude, nothing too big, nothing too small."

"For how long?" Edward asked worriedly.

I chuckled. "Twenty four full hours."

"Fuck," Emmett said. "All at one time?"

I shook my head. "Even worse. In four hour increments."

"You're an evil, sadistic man, Jasper Whitlock." Edward said. "I like it. You've been hanging out with your wife too much."

I cackled then. "I know."

"Care to relax a minute first, gentlemen?" Edward asked, pulling out a couple of joints.

I grinned as I took one from him. I'd enjoyed my weed in college. It had been forever since I'd had a hit. "Your ass is gonna get so fucking busted one day, Edward." I told him as he held out a lighter.

I took a hit and held it as long as I could. Damn…no wonder these boys like hanging out with each other. While Rose, Bella and I eat yogurt and watch after the kids, the boys get high and shoot at shit. Huh. This guy thing might be fun after all now that I've figured out how to pee with a cock.

Edward blew out some smoke, making little rings with it and said, "Nope. It's medicinal."

Emmett laughed. "I've heard that medicinal bullshit since high-school, Edward."

He shrugged. "Yeah, but it works. Everyone always talks about how uptight I am, this relaxes me."

"You know they have yoga that would do the same," I pointed out before taking another breath.

He shot me a look. "You don't get high off of yoga."

"I don't know," Emmett said. "Rosie's doing that pregnancy yoga and I've been joining her when she does it. Fuck, the shit we've been able to do now that both of us are more limber…well, let's just say that I can easily see how you can do that tongs position everyone's talking about."

I giggled, couldn't help it. "Are we gonna sit and talk about sex all day or are we gonna go shoot some shit?" I asked.

Both men nodded and we headed off into the woods.

Three hours, an 'injury' to my leg and a double victory later, I was grinning like a fool. "Gentlemen," I said as we headed to our cars. "Emmett, you owe us a round of beer. Edward…you suck at paintball. I think we need to revoke your man card."

Edward flipped me off as he climbed into his Volvo, but Emmett looked at me and burst out laughing. "You know, you _are _the man, Alice."

I grinned. "Yeah. I enjoyed this. Maybe…maybe after we switch back and I have the baby I'd be willing to play with you guys."

He popped my arm in a 'manly' gesture. "I knew ya had it in ya."

Funny, I never really thought about it. Wow. Maybe this will be something new Jasper and I could do together. You never know…

**

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**

Jasper POV

Several hours, a handful of TUMS and five pee breaks later I was sitting like the queen of Babies R Us at my own personal baby shower.

I had been more than nervous when Rose came to pick me up for the ride over to Bella's house. Not only did I look like someone had barfed rainbow sherbet all over me in the dress Alice had insisted I wear, but I was also teetering around on some sort of high heeled death traps that and I quote, 'Absolutely has to be worn with that dress or I am taking the bedazzle gun to your paintball outfit before I leave with Emmett.' _Fucking Alice!_ If I didn't love her so much, I swear I would pack her pixie ass off in a FedEx box and ship her to Timbuktu.

But instead I am sitting in a frou-frou dress, some sort of fucking corsage made out of baby socks pinned to my chest, watching twenty-five women kiss each other's cheeks and act like they don't go around talking about how big the other one's ass is or whose husband is fucking the maid behind their backs. _My ideal Sunday afternoon_, I thought sardonically.

I felt a gentle squeeze on my shoulder and turned to see Bella's big brown eyes silently questioning me. I let out a little sigh and gave her hand a squeeze back.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

I was extremely grateful that Rose had informed me that Bella knew about the whole situation. The only one still in the dark was Edward, and Bella had begged me not to tell him. She had _said _that him being a doctor, this whole body switching may be a little too tempting for him to resist. She _said _she was afraid he might want to turn Alice and me into his own personal guinea pigs if he found out. _Yeah, right. I don't think so_. I had a feeling little Miss Bella may have a little switch-a-roo of her own planned. And all I can say to that is – fuck yeah!! Just let me get back in my own body so I can help make his life a living hell.

"I'm fine. But what if I fuck up, Bells? I am surrounded by women – women who all know Alice. I am never going to fucking be able to pull this off."

She bit her lip as she knelt in front of me, helping to block the view of the other women.

"Look, Jazz, you can do this. Just be happy and perky. Alice lives to be the center of attention. Also, don't curse. I know Alice does it around us, but she watches her tongue in front of other people. Rose and I will be right beside you. Just ooh and ahh and act like you are having a great time." Her words flew out fast and furious as I tried to make mental notes of everything she was saying.

"Oh and one more thing…women DO NOT scratch themselves in public. So grab a glass of punch or a napkin or something and keep your hands occupied."

I looked down in mortification to see my hand absently scratching at where my dick should have been. Shit, this is going to be harder than I thought.

"Okay everybody," Rose gestured to the crowd. "How about we all go ahead and get something to eat and we can play a few games. Then while Alice is opening her presents we can have our cake and punch?"

"Come on, little momma, you are the guest of honor, so you get to go first."

Rose grabbed me by the arm and helped hoist me out of the chair I was in. I had no idea it was so hard to just get back into a standing position when you had this large belly attached to your front.

I shuffled to the dining room and took in the spread before me. Bella never did anything half assed and for once I was pleased. I was starving. I grabbed a plate and started around the table.

She had tiny finger sandwiches, fruit, cheeses, and little tiny swirly pinwheel looking things that looked so good that I ate four before I even moved to the next item. I didn't realize until I got around the whole table that my plate was overflowing with food. I looked up, a fruit kabob dangling from my lips, only to see every woman in the room staring at me in wonder.

That was when I noticed all the other plates. One or two sandwiches, a single cube of cheese, perhaps a smattering of nuts…no one's plate looked like mine. In fact, it looked like they were trying to ration out portions in case of a nuclear attack. And then there was mine, filled to the brim. Mine looked like I was deciding to hoard it away for the winter. I stared dumbfounded at the women before me.

The silence was broken by none other than Lauren Mallory, an evil bitch of a woman, who loved nothing more than to make Alice feel bad. Why in God's name they had even invited her was beyond me. But I knew she had serious clout around town and Alice had told me her father was thinking about bringing an ultra chic outdoor galleria to town and they were shopping for architects.

"Hungry, Alice? I had no idea you had such a ravenous appetite. I would hate for you to have a hard time losing all that baby weight. I mean, you just have the cutest figure…when you aren't pregnant."

Fucking Bitch. I ought to just put down my plate of food and go over there and bitch slap that woman across the room. Alice was fucking adorable pregnant.

I opened my mouth, not even noticing the stick of fruit fall to the floor, trying to form a great comeback when I felt the tears start to prick my eyes. Great…here go the hormones again.

I snapped my mouth back shut, scared that anything I said was going to be lost in a jumble of sobs when Rose stepped in front of me.

"What exactly is your problem, Lauren? It's Alice's shower, she's pregnant and she's hungry. And I would say with very good reason. I believe Mr. Jasper got a little shower treat of his own before we came over here this afternoon, if you know what I mean. But then again, maybe you don't, considering you live alone. With your cats."

I was fascinated by the cat fight unfolding in front of me. Now if they would just rip at each other's clothes and roll around naked, it would be perfect.

"So I suggest, Lauren, that you keep your snarky, smart ass comments to yourself. We all know you're jealous because even pregnant, Alice is still thinner than you. Now if you feel like you can play nice, feel free to stay. And if not, then don't let the door hit you in your ass on the way out."

Rosalie turned to me while I looked at her in awe. I'd heard her lightening fast tongue work before, but never in my defense. It was amazing. "Come on, honey; let's get you off your feet. I promised Jasper I would take good care of his baby." She guided me back into the other room and toward my seat. I listened to the giggles and snickers coming from the dining room, followed by a loud slamming of the front door.

"Thank you, Rose, for taking care of me…of us."

"Honey, I always take care of my…girls. Now eat your food so we can get this shin-dig over with. My feet are fucking killing me."

"No kidding." I said as I dug into my plate of food.

The rest of the afternoon progressed better than I expected. They played some silly party games like wrapping my belly in toilet paper and passing around baby diapers that had different candy bars melted in them – to resemble poop. You had to take a bite and see if you could guess what kind of candy it was. And they say men are gross. Try watching a bunch of women pretend to eat shit from a tiny diaper. I didn't know whether to laugh or puke.

Then I got to open my presents. I couldn't believe all the fucking loot. Bottles, bibs, clothes out the fucking yin - yang. No wonder women like to have one of these. I didn't think women got them for second babies. Huh, guess our girls just love to party. No one seemed pissed she was having another baby shower, in fact, everyone was all giggly and shit. Every present I opened got passed around and then put on a large table beside the door by Bella while Rose kept a notepad of who had given me what. They also had me covered in all the bows as I unwrapped each one. I was thoroughly enjoying myself, much to my surprise.

The last box I came to was a large blue box with fishes on it. It had been covered up by all the others, or I would have noticed it first – being so different than all the other yellow and green wrapping. I heaved it over to me as Rose and Bella came back into the room after making another trip to unload my presents.

"Last one guys, and it's a doozie. Let's see who it is from."

Just as I grabbed the tag, Bella can and snatched the present away, carting it off to the back room. Rose noticed the look of shock on my face as she stuck another bow to my chest

"Sorry, Ali, that one is from me and Bells. You need to wait and open it when you and Jasper are together, okay? It's sort of something for both of you."

"Um…okay. So do we get to have cake now?" My stomach was already grumbling again.

"Yes, cake time. Just make sure you leave some for the rest of the ladies." She said once again helping me to my feet.

"Bitch." I quoted using Alice's favorite term of endearment for Rose.

"Whore." She shot back as she gave me a quick hug and led me back to the dining room.

Two hours later, I was sitting with my feet propped up eating yet another piece of cake as Alice and Emmett hauled the load of presents to the car. Not only did I get to have a kick ass shower but Alice had won at paintball. And she had conned Edward into a day of servitude. Could life get any better? Maybe this being a woman thing wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Come on, hot stuff, let's get you home." Alice said as she pulled me to my feet. "You and I have a big day tomorrow."

"Really? What's up? I mean I know you have to go to work. But Reagan is in school so I just figured I could take it easy tomorrow."

"Sure you did, sweetie." _Oh shit! There comes the look again_. The 'I am fixing to fuck up your life' look.

"But you see, tomorrow is a teacher in-service day, so there is no school. And I had already told Rose that I, or I guess I should say, you, would be glad to watch the kids while they worked. I am sure you will find plenty to keep you occupied with Reagan, Hope and Faith all at the house tomorrow."

"But babe," I whined. "I'm pregnant. Can't Bella…"

"No Bella can't. She has to get things ready for Anthony's birthday party. So suck it up and act like a man…or I guess a woman would be more precise."

_Well shit, maybe it _will_ be so bad after all._

* * *

**AN2: Yes. We're evil to Jasper. It's more fun that way. **

**Thankies to our MASTERbeta, fiberkitty! Love ya, babe!**


	4. Monday

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. 'Nuff said. Actually, fiberkitty said we needed to state that we are NOT SM because we kick ass, so, no, we are NOT Stephenie Meyer. If we were, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than **_**Renesmee **_

**AN: So glad to see all of you enjoying our little Alice and Jasper story. As moms we would have LOVED to have switched place with our hubbies while preggers, just because we are...evil. MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!**

**As always, special thanks to our super special master beta, fiberkitty. **

**

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**

Alice POV

The alarm clock went off and I growled. "Five more minutes?" I said from where I was face-planted into the pillow.

"Nope. I've got the kids today, remember? And you have to go to work in my stead."

I turned over quickly, almost falling off the bed, and I looked at Jasper's, well, _my _face, wide eyed. "Oh, shit! Jazzy…I can't…"

He smirked. "Yeah, and I can't look after four kids by myself either, but I guess we'll have to make fucking do, won't we?"

I groaned. "Jazzy…I'm really so very sorry…"

He blew out a breath. I noticed he'd dressed my body in some leggings and a shirt of his. Damn, I'm really quite sexy pregnant. Something about all the curves I don't normally have…

He snickered. "Damn it, Alice, control my cock or you're going to be in a heap of trouble today."

I looked down to where the tent was pitched under the sheet. "Oops. Sorry, Jazzy."

He shot me a look. "Sure, that's what you say. But you're never _really _sorry, are you?"

It was my turn to smirk as I got up on my knees, crawling across the bed until I could grab him and pull him to me. "Well, you know I love you, sweetie, and I just…I'm so damned horny…"

"Alice…I've gotta get downstairs, get ready for my day…and you're running late for work…"

"Just a quickie?" I whimpered. The cock between my legs was all but aching with need. It was one thing being horny in a woman's body, but in a man's body…it was so damned _physical._

"Alice!" He hissed.

I pulled him to me, not even caring about the belly in our way. "Come on, baby," I said, dropping my voice lower. It was still Jasper's voice, but it oozed sex. "You know you want some. My body's horniest in the mornings…"

I pressed my lips to his for a taste and we both moaned as he took control of the kiss. My hands traveled down to his hips and I thrust my hips into his. He let out a whimper as my lips traveled down to his neck. Huh…as long as I kept my eyes closed, it was like in "Ghost" when Demi Moore danced with Whoopi Goldberg, who was really Patrick Swayze's soul. I had my hands prepared to take down his pants when I heard, "Mommy! Daddy! Uncle Edward's here!"

"Fuck," We moaned in unison.

I sighed. "Go on, finish getting ready. You know it doesn't take me long. I'll go get the door."

Jasper grinned my little wicked grin. "Put some pants on, sugar. Eddie doesn't want to see my cock. It may give him penis envy."

"I knew it! I knew that actually happened!" I said.

He laughed and waddled back into the bathroom. I slipped on some khaki pants and shuffled barefoot and shirtless down the stairs. Jasper had issues with running around the house without a shirt on. Me in his body? Not so much.

Granted, he had a few scars…well, more than a few. He had been in a terrible car accident when he was younger, had lost his spleen, a foot of his intestines and his right kidney. Plus, his lung had been punctured, so now, twenty plus years later, he was still somewhat bashful about his wounds. Some plastic surgeon had taken pity on Jasper's nine year old self and had fixed some of the worst keloids, but there were still some puckered scars. He was lucky though. His brother, Peter, hadn't lived. I liked the scars. I wished he'd show them off with pride. He was stunning in spite of the wounds. He kept his body in maximum health. He really needed to show it off more.

I ran my fingers through my hair and opened the door. Anthony ran past me and into the playroom. "Hey, man," I managed, yawning as I did so.

Edward's eyebrow went up. "Did I interrupt something?"

I laughed. "Yes."

He grinned. "Good. No one wants to see your skinny ass, certainly not my son."

I rolled my eyes. "Never forget I'm bigger than you, pee-wee."

His eyes narrowed. "Oh? And whatever makes you think that, _Junior_?"

I bit my tongue. I knew for a _fact _that Jasper's cock was bigger than Edward's…but I guess Edward didn't need to know anything. So I grinned and shot back a _Jasperesque _response; "Just callin' 'em like I see 'em."

He shook his head. "Whatever. I hate to do this to Alice, I know that she's bound to be wearing down…but Bella can _not _handle the kids being over there as she tries to bake and decorate the _Transformer's _cake she's making."

_Those are those little cars that turn into robots, right? _I thought to myself. Huh. Best keep my mouth shut about that. Don't want to look like a fool. "Yeah, well, Bella's a great baker. I can't wait to see what all the cake looks like."

Edward looked at me quizzically. "Are you okay? Normally you get into an argument with me over the qualities of _Transformers _versus _G.I. Joe._"

Oh, right. Jasper did do that. "Well," I said, rubbing my neck. "It ain't worth arguing over this morning. I got shit to do…" Yup, that a) sounded like Jasper, and b) was my way of getting Edward out of the door and out of my hair.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. We are thirty something year old men now, aren't we? Don't need to be arguing about stupid cartoons…" It almost sounded like I'd hurt his feelings. Men were so strange.

I shrugged. "I gotta get ready. I think I have a meeting." I said, remembering what Jasper had told me last night. "I'll talk to ya later, then we'll get down to business on why G.I. Joe tromps those Transformer's asses."

Edward grinned at me and walked back to his Volvo. Again, I thought how strange men were. I shook my head and closed the door before heading back upstairs to finish getting ready for work.

I fixed my hair and put on some of the moisturizing gel that Jasper never liked to use. Next, I put on his cologne, immediately regretting it as the cock between my legs once more started acting up. _What the hell? Now looking at _my _body _and _smelling Jasper's cologne gets me worked up? How do men _do _this all the time? _

I took a few deep, cleansing breaths before I put on my tie, working that Windsor knot like a fucking_ pro _and slipped into my sport jacket. I glanced at myself in the mirror. Yup. I was _dayum_ _hot. _

I jogged back down the steps and walked into the kitchen just in time to see Jasper attempting to reach the box of cereal from the top shelf. "Let me get that." I said, reaching past him to grab the box. I tell you what…the dick thing was a bit much, but I could _really _get used to this height.

He shot me a look. "Damned tall ass," He muttered under his breath.

I kissed his cheek. "It's okay, pumpkin. I don't mind getting it for you…" I trailed off as the doorbell rang again. I walked out to the entryway and opened the door for Rosalie.

She looked at me in surprise. "Alice! Wow. You cleaned Jasper up!"

I grinned. "Thanks. I remembered he has an important meeting, right?"

She sighed. "Yeah, with Leonardo Alister. Go easy on him."

"Why?" I asked.

"Jasper and he…it's complicated."

"Why?" I asked again. Jasper got along great with everyone. He calmed and sweet-talked every person he ever came into contact with. "Why is this Leonardo guy so problematic?"

"He's gay." She said flatly.

"Ahhh..." Well, that explained it. It wasn't that Jasper was a homophobe; he was just…uncomfortable with men that liked other men. "Let me guess, he's got a crush on Jasper."

She giggled. "Nope, he's got a crush on Emmett, which makes Emmett blush like a virgin anytime he comes into the office. He loves Miya and Jamie though…I think he'd think about going straight if he could get the two of them into bed…together."

I laughed. I think if Miya and Jamie could get Em and Jazz into bed…together…with them…they probably would. "Well, I'll just be very cordial to him." I said. "You know how well I get along with Tim and Carlo…" Tim was Rosalie's cousin. He was a lawyer in Ohio. His partner, Carlo was a doctor in Boulder, Colorado. The two of them had a long distance relationship, but it worked for them.

"Just…treat him with kid gloves, Ali. Since Jasper isn't comfortable around him, just act very cautiously." Rosalie warned.

"So…no gay jokes?" I teased.

She shot me a look.

* * *

I drove toward the office with a smile on my face. This would be fun, today! I stopped in and got Miya and Jamie's favorite coffees, as well as one for the new receptionist, Stacey. Emmett had snapped her up, oddly enough, from the spa we went to, where she was also a receptionist. "Good morning, Mr. Whitlock." She stated warmly.

I smiled and handed her a coffee. "Good morning, Stacey. Here you go."

She smiled. "Thank you, sir."

I shrugged. "My pleasure." I started humming as I dropped off Jamie's coffee and made my way to Jasper's office. "Good morning, Miya." I all but sang. Today was going to be terrific. I could feel it.

Her eyebrow rose. "Good morning, Jasper. You're rather chipper this morning."

I grinned. "You have no idea." I replied.

She eyed me, but said, "Well, all the specs are on your desk and Mr. Alister will be here in about fifteen minutes."

"Perfect." I said with a smile.

I quickly reviewed his design. He was opening a high-end sushi bar. He himself was not Asian, however, he loved the culture and was interviewing chefs already. I, was not a fan of sushi, but hell, I'd try anything once. _That's what she said, _I thought to myself with a grin. Well, that was true too.

I hoped nothing much was asked about the actual design, but the color scheme Jazz had planned was horrid. I had to ask if Leonardo would be willing to change his mind…see if we couldn't get some different things going on here. Jasper had put in a hodge-podge of Japanese culture and it was just too much. He needed it soft, demure, slightly eclectic, not like Japan threw up on the place.

I made a few notations, drawing a few designs of my own on the side. I wasn't an architect, but I was a good designer. Fashion had been my minor in college. Interior Design had been my major. _This _I knew how to do.

I heard a knock at the open door and lifted my head. Emmett strolled in and said, "Jazz, dude, what the fuck?"

"What?" I asked.

"You look like a girl, Alice!" He hissed.

I drew offense from that. "I do not. This look is quite metrosexual."

He snorted. "It's something." He commented. "Okay, I need to give you the low-down on this job. Rosie and I are taking a big chunk of Jasper's clients this week, but there are some that we just couldn't reschedule."

I nodded. "I can handle this, Emmett."

He gave me a rundown of what to expect, making a few notations beside each thing in the schedule book Jasper kept on his desk. We were just finishing up when there was another knock at the door and a, "Well, my, my, my. Two of the best looking architects I know, working diligently together."

I saw Emmett's blush start immediately and I _knew _I'd have to ride his ass about this later. I looked up into the face of a young man and smiled. "Mr. Alister…" I said, holding out my hand.

He grinned. "Now, Jasper, you know I told you to call me Leo…"

I nodded. "Right, Leo." I turned to Emmett. "Well, Em, thanks man."

He looked at me for a moment in relief before I grinned. "See ya later."

He cleared his throat. "Right, later, dude, Leo."

Leo and I both watched him leave. Leo sighed. "It's just a damn shame he's straight."

I burst out laughing, I couldn't help it. No wonder Jasper was uncomfortable with Leo. He made no effort to conceal his sexual orientation.

He looked at me and smiled. "I amuse you?"

I shook my head. "It's not that, something funny just popped into my head." Like I could tell him this. He would think Jasper was crazy.

His brow furrowed. "You look different. Nice, though. I always figured you more for the rough and tumble, not suave and genteel."

I smiled. That _did _describer Jasper. Both statements, actually. But to Leo I merely said, "My wife got hold of me, gave me a makeover."

"I need her number. She did an excellent job."

I beamed. "Thank you. It's kind of her passion, that and interior design. This brings me to a comment she made…" I said, treading carefully. "She was looking at my drawings, I apologize, but I had taken them home to work on them. Anyway, she had taken a few looks at them over my shoulder and made some comments about the interior. When she couldn't make me understand what she was talking about, she drew up a few of her own…" I handed him my designs.

His lip pouted slightly and he sighed. "These are really very good. She must do this for a living."

I shook my head sadly. I'd always wanted to, but with Reagan and now the new baby on the way… "No, she's been busy raising our child. We have one on the way as well."

He smiled. "I'm sure you're a great daddy."

_Huh. Flattery will get you everywhere, except for my hubby's pants, babe. _"Thanks. So, anyway, do you like them?"

He nodded. "They're a lot better than what I asked you to incorporate in."

_Wow. _He _was the one that wanted all that shit? I'm so glad I managed to step in when I did. No one would have wanted to eat there with that crap design. _I wouldn't have been caught dead in the place, even if I _liked _sushi. I smiled. "Well, Leo, let's go over the things you want to change…" Oh yeah, I had this in the _bag. _

**

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Jasper POV

I glanced around at the kiddies surrounding me. _How hard could this be?_ I mean, I was fixing to be a father again, so I had better get used to handling more than child at once. Besides, they would probably entertain each other and let me get in a little relaxation time.

"So guys, what do you want to do first? How about we sit down and take it easy, maybe watch some cartoons?"

Four little voices piped up at once.

"Dora." Faith screamed.

"ICarly." Reagan interjected.

"SpongeBob, Aunt Ali. Daddy never lets me watch it at home. He says if he has to hear that laugh one more time, he is going to take his shotgun to the cable box." Hope pleaded, the whole time tugging on the hem of my shirt so hard I thought I was going to fall over.

"I can only watch the history or discovery channel. Dad says television rots your brain." Anthony said dejectedly.

Okay not quite as easy as I thought.

"How about a movie? Maybe something everyone would like…ET?" Please agree, please agree, please agree.

"I don't know. Do you think my Dad will care?" Anthony asked. He looked really pitiful for a six year old boy. Edward and I were going to have a little talk, once I got back to normal. There was no doubt he is a great father, but he has got to loosen up a little.

"Listen, sport. Today is our day. I won't tell if you don't tell."

He gave me the sweetest smile as he threw his little arms around my huge belly.

"Thanks, Aunt Ali."

I got the four of them settled in front of the TV, ready to take it easy for a while myself when the requests started.

"Can we have snacks, Mommy? Movies are always better with snacks."

I felt the rumble in my stomach and had to admit that a snack sounded right on time.

"Sure honey, you want to come help me?"

"Kay, mommy." I grabbed her tiny hand in mine as we made our way into the kitchen.

"So what sounds good? Popcorn? Maybe some fruit?" I rummaged through the refrigerator and cabinets. Damn I was hungry.

"Can we have some ice cream too? Ice cream sounds so good." She looked up at me with Alice's cute little upturned nose and long eyelashes and I felt myself melt. I was way beyond being whipped by the women in my life. And ice cream did sound really good.

I looked at the clock on the stove. Surely nine o'clock wasn't too early to serve ice cream to a bunch of kids watching a movie, was it?

I grabbed the carton of Neapolitan along with the chocolate sauce, whipped cream, sprinkles, ohhhh and some chopped nuts and cherries. Oh, what the hell, some magic shell too, that sounded good. I reached into the hanging basket and took a couple of bananas. At least I could say that I had given them some fruit as well.

We took everything back to the playroom and I helped all the kids make their own personal sundaes. I snuggled into the couch with Reagan, tucked neatly into my side, both of us digging into our bowls of delicious sweetness.

It was only twenty minutes later, that I felt my eyes start to close. I peered into the carton and noticed all the ice cream was gone, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to just take a quick cat nap. I shut my eyes again and let my sleepiness take over.

I awoke to deafening silence, not a good thing with four kids in the house.

_What the fuck?_

Every damn thing in the room had been pulled out into the floor. Toys, games, and what is that in the carpet…play-dough?

The room looked like a tornado had gone straight through the middle of it.

Holy shit…Alice is going to kill me.

I heaved myself to a standing position and went looking for the four heathens that had destroyed the playroom.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I checked the other rooms. At least the damage had been contained to the downstairs. I could only imagine if the entire house had been ransacked while I slept.

My ears picked up a smattering of giggles coming from Reagan's room. I pushed open the cracked door and felt my stomach drop.

There on the bed was Hope, her tiny shirt pushed up, flashing her non-existent boobies. Anthony was hovering over her, Reagan's toy stethoscope, firmly in his ears as he moved it around Hope's tummy.

"Okay, deep breath." He instructed.

"What is going on in here?" I all but screamed.

"We are playing hospital, mommy." Reagan answered. "Faith and I are the nurses, Hope is the patient, and Tony is the doctor. You know since his daddy is one, he knew just what to do."

He flashed me a crooked grin, just like his father's and went back to 'examining' his patient.

"I think that we should keep the clothes on, if you want to play…and the door open. In fact, no more doctor. You four are going to help me clean up the playroom you destroyed. Now hop to it."

Two hours later I was still on my knees, trying to get the last of the play dough out of the carpet. I felt a small tug on my arm, to see Faith staring into my eyes.

"We hungry, Uncle Jazzy."

"I'm not Uncle Jasper, baby. It's me, Auntie Ali."

She grabbed my face in her tiny hands and stared deep into my eyes. After a moment she cocked her head and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Nope. You are Jazzy. I not tell, okay. Just like mommy and daddy."

_Well, that little bugger_. I had to remember to ask Emmett and Rose about it later.

"Okay, let's go fix you guys some lunch."

I sat the four of them down at the table, determined that this time was going to go better than the snacks.

"What do you guys want to eat?"

"Peanut butter and jelly."

"Hotdog."

"Grilled cheese"

"Chicken fingers"

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Do you guys ever agree on anything? Can you all just pick one thing that everyone will eat?"

All four children answered in unison.

"Raviolis!"

Well that was easy. I opened up a couple of cans and dumped them into a saucepan. While it was heating I cut up a couple of apples and pulled out some juice boxes.

As soon as the raviolis were ready I dished it out into bowls and set one in front of each child. I went back to the cabinets to make myself a sandwich, when I felt a sharp kick and that familiar pressing on my bladder.

"Will you guys be okay for just a minute, while I run to the bathroom?"

They all nodded as I waddled out of the kitchen. I grabbed the cordless phone as I passed by and punched in my work number as I sat down.

"McCarty, Whitlock and McCarty, how may I help you?"

"Alice…uh, Jasper Whitlock please."

"One moment."

Seconds later I heard my voice reverberate through the phone. Funny, is that what I actually sound like? My Texan drawl was a lot more prominent than I realized.

"Jasper Whitlock."

"He babe, it's me. Just wanted to see how your first day at the office is going."

"It's wonderful, Jasper. Leo Alister was here and he loved some of my ideas, and we just hit it off fabulously. How has your day been? Any problems?"

So no problems at work, a little disappointed to say the least. I wanted her to get a taste of the stress my job entailed. It just figured that she and Leo would be big buddies.

"It's been perfect. No problems here." I lied through my teeth.

"Hmmm…well that's good. I meant to tell you to try and keep the kids clean. We have Anthony's party right after work and I hate to be rushed, trying to get everyone over there."

"Don't worry. I will have them all cleaned, polished, and ready to go when you get home. I am not completely helpless, you know."

My voice softened slightly. "I know that, sweetie. I have to run; Leo and I are going to lunch."

"Okay, but you better remember that one day I will be back in my body. Don't be planting any ideas in Leo's head that he has a chance with me."

"I won't. I'll see you later. I love you…Mrs. Whitlock."

"I love you too…Mr. Whitlock. And that just sounds so wrong." I hung up to my deep laughter coming through the phone.

I made my way back to the kitchen, more than ready for that sandwich.

Oh shit! Not again. I was only gone like three minutes.

All four kids were covered from the top of their heads to their waists in dark orange sauce.

"What…what happened?" I asked. At that moment, I felt the hormones again and felt sure I was going to cry.

"Nothing, raviolis are always messy. You know that, Mommy." Reagan said, her Cinderella shirt coved in splatters of food.

Deep breath, Jazz, deep breath. It is just food. How bad could it be?

"It's alright, guys. Let's get you changed and cleaned up."

I lead all four into the bathroom and went back to the hall to retrieve their backpacks. I grabbed the Hello Kitty that I knew belonged to Hope but didn't see Tony's Spiderman anywhere. I stopped by Reagan's room and grabbed a clean outfit before heading back to the bathroom.

"Tony, do you know where your bag is?"

"Dad forgot it this morning."

Well this is fucking great. He is covered in raviolis and nothing to change him into. I hurried back to Reagan's room and grabbed the first thing I could find. Unfortunately, Reagan is truly a fashion maven like her mother and everything was pretty much girly-fied.

I got back to the bathroom and put Tony in the bathtub, closing the curtain. No point in letting the kids see any more of each other than they needed. I truly did not feel like explaining the differences in anatomies today.

I handed the clothes to him behind the curtain. "Here put these on."

"But their girl clothes, Aunt Alice." He whined.

"I know, but your dad forgot yours. You can wear them just while I throw yours in the wash."

"Okay, but don't tell my friends. I don't want to get made fun of."

"I promise. Now don't come out until I tell you."

I wiped each child down with a warm washcloth, the food still leaving a slight tint around their mouths.

I quickly changed each girl into a new outfit, helped Anthony out of the tub and gathered up the dirty clothes.

"Now, I am going to go throw these in the washing machine. Will you please, just play a game or something that will not make a big mess?"

"How about Hi Ho Cherry-O?" Hope asked.

Unbelievably they all agreed and headed towards Reagan's bedroom to start the game.

I went into the laundry room and threw the whole load into the machine. Warily I surveyed all the different powders and liquids before me. How in the world did you know which one to use?

I saw a large measuring cup to the side and just started adding various contents together. Detergent, stain remover, bleach, fabric softener, some other kind of powder called Dreft that smelled nice…I grabbed a clothes hanger and stuck one end of into the concoction, stirring it all together.

I surveyed the multiple settings on the machine. Good Lord, why can't they just have an on/off button? I had always been lucky enough to have had someone take care of this shit before. Even in college, I could usually look helpless enough that some pretty coed would do it for me, and then finally Alice took over doing it for me all the time.

I started pushing buttons until the machine started up. I dumped my mixture in to the top and slammed the door shut. I went and checked on the kids, still engrossed in their game. The ache in my stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten, so I went back to the kitchen and finished making my sandwich and all but inhaled it along with a large glass of milk.

I waited until the washer had time to finish and then loaded them all into the dryer. By that time, the kids had moved on to coloring, and for once I was smart enough to realize that the kitchen table was probably the safest place for them to do anything that could possibly make a mess.

I heard the buzzer go off on the dryer and went back to the laundry room to pull out the clothes.

No…no…no!! Why in the fuck are they all pink?

Everything had a slight pink cast too it, especially the white pieces – Anthony's Transformer shirt especially. I then pulled out a hot pink shirt that Faith had been wearing that was now a slightly paler shade. And once again…what the fuck? You could still see the faint remnants of ravioli stains.

I felt like kicking Chef Boyardee's ass at that moment. There ought to be some type of disclaimer on that fucking can. Warning…if you get this shit on your clothes, you might as well throw them in the fucking garbage.

I carried the clothes out and dropped them on the sofa, flopping down beside them. Man, did I feel like a complete failure. I couldn't even do laundry right. I felt tears start to fall down my cheeks.

I looked at the clock and realized that everyone should be home in just a couple of hours. I pulled back to a standing position, figuring that I should at least try and make sure the house was as clean as possible.

I set about, dusting and vacuuming. Making sure everything was spotless… and surprisingly, it relaxed me. After I had everything done, I grabbed Alice's copy of _What to Expect When You're_ _Expecting_, flipping to the chapters of where Alice was at in her pregnancy. At least I could read and get a grip on some of what I was feeling. Even Alice was brushing up and she had been through this already.

I was so engrossed in my book that I didn't even notice the doorbell buzzing. I made my way to the front door, just as Anthony and Reagan were opening it for Edward.

I watched the look of surprise and shock pass across his face as he took in his son's appearance.

"Alice, do I want to know why my son is wearing a shirt that says Girl Power and turquoise shorts?"

**

* * *

**

Alice POV

I was all smiles as I drove home. After a long lunch with Leo, I set up an appointment to join him for a manicure tomorrow as we continued to discuss details. He loved literally _everything _I came up with and was all smiles as he left.

I didn't think it would be a big deal. I mean; Jasper would do almost anything to seal the deal, right? This had the potential to be big, and if Jazzy could get in with Leo, maybe he could even get in big with the gay community as a whole, and that would open up a brand new world of work for the company.

I pulled in the drive to find Edward's car still here. Huh. He must have been running late. I hurried to the door only to find him swearing at my Jazzy while tears rolled down his face. "What the fuck is going on here?" I asked, pulling myself up to Jasper's full height.

Edward sighed. "I asked her why Anthony was dressed like he was and she burst out in tears. Rein in your woman, Jasper. I think she needs a break."

"_You _are the one standing there bitching her out, Edward Anthony Masen." I pointed out.

"I did not!" He cried indignantly. "She burst into tears and I told her to just stop with the fake assed tears!"

I punched him on the arm, hard. "Those are _not _fake, Edward. Just because your wife takes the shit you dish out does _not _mean you can do the same to mine." I grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him in to sit on the sofa. Bless his heart, he was snuffling. "Baby?" I said softly. "It's okay, alright? I'll take care of it."

"Th-th-thank you." He managed. Poor guy. These kids must have tortured the hell out of him. I almost felt bad for him. I rounded on Edward. "What the fuck is your deal, Edward?"

"Look at Anthony! He's wearing Reagan's clothes! Alice ruined Anthony's Transformer's shirt!"

I rolled my eyes. "Bella got that from _Wal-Mart, _Edward. I'm sure she can manage to find another bargain bin replacement. Besides, Alice is _pregnant. _Give her some motherfucking space!" I growled. "Now, grow a set of balls, take your son home, change his clothes so Bella doesn't have to do it, and take him to his fucking birthday party. Am I understood?"

Edward's eyes narrowed but I _swear _I could see a flicker of fear in them. Jasper didn't lose his cool often, but when he did? It was _not _pretty. My man was a bad-ass. And though Emmett had the size, Jasper had the street smarts. He'd played with fire, got burned a few times on the streets of Dallas, but he persevered. However, that didn't mean Jazzy had lost the memory of how to beat up a guy.

I stared him down and Edward blew out a breath. "Come on, Tony, let's get you home and changed."

_Shit. The kids heard me cuss. Oh hell…I'll hear about this one from Bella and Rosalie, I know it. _I blew out a breath as well and said to the girls, "Girls, give me and Aunt Ali a few minutes, okay?"

They all three looked at me wide-eyed but nodded and ran off in the direction of Reagan's room. I sighed and plopped down next to Jasper.

He looked at me and grinned. Then he started giggling. "So glad I can amuse you." I said flatly.

He shook his head. "I…" _hiccup, _"loved the fact that you put the smug bastard in his place!" My small frame was shaking with laughter as I looked at him and smiled.

"Yeah, that felt good." I said with a grin. "Come on, let's get ready. It's almost time to go to "Fuck-N-Cheeses".

He grinned as I called it what he normally did and I helped him up. "So…how was it?" I asked.

He groaned. "You really don't want to know."

The evil angel on my left shoulder did a little happy dance.

_

* * *

_

Ugh, remind me to kill Bella for this,

I thought, three hours later. The place was packed with screaming children, not all of them ours. The kids devoured their pizza, inhaled the cake, oohed and ahhed over Tony's gifts and then ran back into the arcade. I wrinkled my nose. "I'm in hell," I said as I plopped down next to Emmett.

He grinned and said, "What's wrong, Ali? Tired of waiting on your pregnant wife hand and foot?"

I groaned. Every time I had asked Jasper to do something, he'd complain that he was too tired, he was uncomfortable, he didn't want to get up. Man-bitch. He was faking. I rarely ever pulled the "poor pitiful me" card! He's milking this for all it's worth! First, I'd asked him to carry in one of the birthday gifts. He said that lugging around my purse was enough and he couldn't take it. That had resulted in two trips back and forth from the car!

Next, I'd asked him if he could go get the kids rounded up while I helped Edward haul in the big gift, which, I may add, was a basketball goal, wrapped, in the box, and it was _not _light. I'd pay Emmett _back _for that shit when he said, "Oh, Jazz-man, you'll help Eddie while I help the ladies with the food, right?" Asshole.

Jasper has told me his feet were swollen and he really needed to just sit down. Bella and Rose, who, I was beginning to wonder if they were in on it, rushed to get him a chair to prop his feet up on. Bitches.

So, I'd trudged around, trying to find the kids, until I found them all in the ball pit. Ugh. There's no telling what shit is in these things. Snot, pee, poop, all kinds of funky germs.

I'd gotten Anthony, Reagan and Faith out when Hope started screaming bloody murder because she'd lost one of her favorite yellow socks. Apparently it had come off in the ball pit.

So…what did I have to do? Yup. Dive into the fucking thing and find it! It was at the bottom of the 'tank' next to two different colored flip-flops, a hair bow, a wadded up tissue, and eww…a condom wrapper.

Oh God, if we got out of here, I was having Daddy install us a private ball pit so we didn't have to bring the children back here. Fuck. That's nasty. Who in the hell would even _want _to have sex in a ball pit? I thought about that a minute. Hmm…well, the perverts we called husbands would probably give it a go…jackasses.

So, I saved the sock, informed the girls that the kids were _not _going back into the pit, and made everyone wash their hands with some Purell I knew I had in my, or rather, Jasper's, purse.

I was nursing a beer; _thank God they serve alcohol, _when I felt a little tug on my arm. I looked over at Reagan. "Daddy? I have to go pee-pee."

I looked over at Jasper, who was chatting it up with Bella and Rose and said, "Okay, pumpkin, let's go." I grasped her hand tightly and led her to the girl's bathroom, not even thinking. It wasn't until a woman carrying a baby hit me in the face with a diaper-bag that I realized…oh shit. I'm in the women's bathroom. In Jasper's body.

"Pervert!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, hitting me again.

I held up my hands. "Ma'am, I'm just taking my little girl…" I looked down at Reagan, who was laughing her little ass off.

"I can do it myself, Daddy, you stand outside and wait for me."

The woman glared at me and I sighed as I walked back outside. Once there, I caught sight of Emmett, a big smile plastered on his face. "Have problems?" He asked.

"Shut up, dickweed." I growled.

* * *

**AN2: So... don't forget to put us on author alert because our new story should be starting up in the next week or so. It is going to be darker, more controversial and very smutty - the perfect combination, in our opinion. **


	5. Tuesday

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. 'Nuff said. Actually, fiberkitty said we needed to state that we are NOT SM because we kick ass, so, no, we are NOT Stephenie Meyer. If we were, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than **_**Renesmee **_

**Preggers and Proud: A Jasper/Alice story**

**AN: I know, I know! I'm terrible! I never manage to get this out on time when it's my turn, do I? *blushes sheepishly* Uh...sorry? Here's the new P&P! Love, MM1**

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Jasper POV

The next morning dawned bright and beautiful. I silently slipped from the bed to make breakfast for Alice and Reagan. She had been quite the trooper last night at Chuck E Cheese. I hadn't made it easy for her either, the last straw being when I feigned exhaustion as she stood in line with the kids to redeem their handful of tickets. Why in God's name it takes a child thirty minutes to pick out a piece of junk that you have pumped fifty dollars in tokens to get, was beyond me. But she had stood and waited patiently while the kids flip-flopped back and forth between the tiny notepads and tattoos.

I was just adding a handful of cheese to the omelets when I felt her hands snake around my waist to rub my belly.

"Morning darlin'. What's for breakfast?" My drawl as prominent as the erection tenting my pajama bottoms.

"Since when do you say darlin'? And I am fixing you a Denver omelet, that is if you think you can put that thing away long enough to eat." I gave my cock one long stroke through the fabric and was met with an appreciative growl.

"I don't mind skipping breakfast, if you don't. Come on, sexy momma, let's get back in bed."

I stood on my tiptoes to receive her searing kiss, winding my fingers through my hair. Hmmm, soft. I wonder if she has been using her girly shit on me.

She had me half way down the hall when we were met by an enthusiastic Reagan.

"Mommy, Daddy…good morning. Where are you going? Don't want to be late for school; it is show and tell day." She was bouncing on the balls of her feet, her hamster cage in her hands. No doubt where she got her endless supply of energy.

"We will continue this tonight, Mrs. Whitlock." Alice whispered in my ear, following us back to the kitchen. I felt a slight dampness in my panties, more than a little sorry we had been cockblocked, or whatever the fuck women called it.

I finished up breakfast, sent Alice on her way and loaded Reagan into my truck, along with her lunchbox, backpack, her hamster, Toodles, and the bag full of juice boxes that Alice had volunteered to bring for their special show and tell day. Fuck, were we going to first grade for the day or moving cross country?

"Mommy, why are we in Daddy's truck?" Reagan's little voice piped up from the back.

"Uh…we just thought we would switch for a few days. Do you like riding in Daddy's big truck?"

The cutest little giggle escaped her lips and I felt my heart melt. I couldn't believe in a few weeks I would have another little sweetie pie.

"Yep, but you look funny, Mommy. You look just like one of those little people off the Wizard of Oz."

I had to admit she was right. Alice never wanted to drive my truck and now I knew why. Even with the seat pulled all the way up to the closest setting, I had a hard time seeing over the steering wheel. It felt like I was driving a bus. Slowly I backed out of the driveway and headed towards the school.

I made it back home, more than a little tired and figured that I could finally catch up on a little shut eye. I was just about to lay down when I saw the bright pink piece of paper lying on the pillow. I unfolded it and noticed Alice's handwriting.

_Jasper,_

_I am sure you were in here to straighten up the bed; however there are some errands you need to run._

_I have some dry cleaning that needs to be picked up. You can also go by the grocery and get the things on the list at the bottom of this note._

_Don't forget Reagan has dance lessons this afternoon and then she is going to Em and Rose's to make cupcakes for the school bake sale. All the items you are getting at the grocery are for that. We swapped out. We are buying the supplies and Rose is doing the baking - a great deal on our part, I think._

_I'll be home at six and I am taking your, or should I say __my__ sexy ass to dinner. So wear the red dress, you know your body loves my baby curves in it._

_Love you, _

_Alice_

I threw down the note and flopped onto the bed. Does this ever end? It is like a never ending cycle. All I wanted was a little peace and quiet…

Oh well, never one to procrastinate, I pulled my shoes back on and headed back out the door.

First stop was the cleaners, where I just about lost my breakfast at the amount I had to pay for a couple of pairs of slacks, three dress shirts and one of Alice's dresses. No wonder she throws such a shit fit when I don't hang my clothes up.

Next stop was the grocery store. I filled the basket full of cake mixes, icings, all sorts of sprinkles and cupcake holder thingamajigs. I was headed to the checkout when I made the mistake of passing through the candy aisle.

The next thing I knew I had added a bag of jolly ranchers, some milk duds, gummy bears and a whole six pack of Snickers bars to the basket. Damn, I was hungry. I glanced at my watch. I had plenty of time to get home, eat and still get that nap in before I had to pick up Reagan.

I polished off the milk duds on the way home and then headed straight to the bathroom as soon as I parked the truck for my hourly pee break, before making myself some lunch.

I was coming out of the bathroom when I heard the doorbell ring. I waddled down the hall, completely surprised at who was on the other side.

"Pumpkin, you look wonderful. Are you ready for our lunch date?" I felt the air leave my lungs as the burly man in front of me pulled me in for a tight bear hug.

Of all the rotten luck - Alice's father.

* * *

"What are you doing here, Roy?" I asked, barley disguising the contempt in my voice. I had a hard time with Alice's father throughout the years. He had never actually done anything wrong, per say. But he indulged Alice's every whim, even when I had said no to something.

"Since when do you call me 'Roy'? And did you forget our lunch date? We set it up last week."

"Uhh…I guess I did." Maybe I could use the pregnancy as a way to weasel out of it. I absolutely did not want to spend the afternoon with Roy Brandon.

"You know I am really tired, do you think maybe…" My voice trailed off at the look on his face.

"I know it is not the best timing for you Ali-kins. But we have some things we need to get settled. So go grab your jacket and I'll meet you in the car."

He turned and headed back to his Sedan as I scurried down the hall, grabbing the phone. I punched in my work number and was surprised when Miya answered.

"McCarty, Whitlock and McCarty how may I help you?"

"Hey, Miya, it's me. Can I speak to Alice, please?"

"Umm…excuse me?" She questioned into the phone.

Shit, it was hard trying to keep everything straight.

"I meant it's me…Alice. Can I speak to Jasper?"

"Sorry, Alice. He had a uhh…special meeting with Mr. Alister this afternoon. Is there something I can help you with?"

"No, that's alright. Have a nice day, Miya."

"You too, Alice. I'll tell Jasper you called when he gets back from the spa…spa-ecial meeting he had." She was laughing as she hung up the phone, leaving me to wonder what was so funny about her appointment with Leo.

I grabbed Alice's purse and slid into the front seat of Roy's car. God this was going to suck.

"So, do you want to head to Maggiano's for some Italian or perhaps Morton's for a steak?" Hmm, what did I want to eat that would take a hefty size chunk out of Roy's wallet? I pondered for a moment but I knew there was only one thing that would satisfy the craving I had.

"Actually, Daddy, I think I would like to go to Buffalo Wild Wings."

"You're kidding right?" He asked with a slight chuckle.

"No I'm not. I would like some hot wings. Is there something wrong with that?" I huffed, crossing my little arms across my chest, just like Alice would. Though, she didn't normally act _quite _as bratty as I was now.

"Of course not. And what my baby wants, my baby gets." He said as he turned the car around and headed in the direction of the restaurant.

Ten minutes later we were sitting in a large booth, engulfed in an uncomfortable silence. Finally, the waitress came and took our order. Roy gave me a pleasant smile as I rattled off what I wanted.

"Let's see, twenty five spicy garlic wings, a large basket of potato wedges, a large lemonade with extra ice, and a super brownie explosion for dessert." I handed her back the menu as I turned to Roy. "Do you want anything?"

"My, my, my. You have quite the appetite lately. And actually I think I'll have the same, but make my wings blazing." He said as he handed his menu back to her also.

I waited until she was out of earshot, before turning my attention back to him.

"Are you sure you want to eat all that spicy, fried food? It can't be good for you, especially after that clogged artery two years ago." Alice would kill me for loading her dad up on heart attack fare.

"Sweetie, I think some hot wings are the least of my worries now." He reached into his inner coat pocket and pulled out a couple of folded papers and passed them across the table to me.

"So here is the copy of the will and copies of my insurance papers, and all the plans we discussed at the funeral home last month, everything is already taken care of, so you won't have to worry about anything. You still have a copy of the safety deposit box key, right?"

My mind started spinning. What the hell was he talking about? Wills? Funeral homes? I was completely lost.

He waited until the waitress had brought our drinks back before he started again.

"Now did you finally talk to Jasper about this?"

"Umm…no." That was an understatement. I took a long sip of my lemonade as I skimmed over the papers in front of me.

"Alice, I told you to talk to Jasper weeks ago. You are going to need him. I know you don't want to accept what is happening, but my time is growing short."

I felt my heart rate accelerate. Alice's father was what…dying? Why hadn't she said anything to me?

"I, uhh…when, how?" I stuttered to get the words out. I may not be a fan of the man, but he was all the family Alice had left besides Reagan and I since her mom died in a car accident eight years ago.

"Doc says it won't be long. The cancer is spreading rapidly. Maybe six weeks."

Six weeks? He might not even get to see the baby? Despite being a man, I still felt the connection to the child I was carrying, or, well, whatever, and my hand dipped down to my stomach automatically. "Well you need to come stay with us." I said quickly. "Shit, why is this happening?"

"Alice, we discussed this. You have a baby on the way. Jasper is working at his new firm. The last thing you need is a patient to take care of. Now, I have a nurse all lined up, all my affairs are in order, I'm ready. I have been without your mom for too long." He reached across the table and gave my hands a tight squeeze, as I felt the tears well up in my eyes. Damn, hormones.

The waitress came back and sat our orders in front of us. Suddenly, I didn't feel like eating.

"Roy…I mean Dad. Is there anything you need me to do?"

"I want you to tell Jasper, soon. I have set up a trust for Reagan and the new baby, but the rest of the money will be going straight to you and Jasper. And munchkin, as much as I love you, finances are not exactly your forte."

I let out a little snort. That much was the truth. Alice could probably spend an entire inheritance on shoes and purses without batting an eye. But wait, he wanted me involved?

"But Jazz…you mean you are leaving it to us both?"

"Of course I am. I know we aren't close, but I like Jasper. I have told you this before."

"But…but you spoil me and Jasper…" I let my words trail off.

"Of course, I spoil you. You are my baby, just like Reagan is Jasper's baby. Don't tell me she doesn't have him wrapped around her little pinky."

I thought back on the dozen purses hanging in her closet. Just like her mom. I couldn't walk into a store without buying her something.

"Jasper is caring and hard working and helps keep you grounded. I couldn't have picked a better man for you to marry. And I know when I am gone he will take great care of you…all of you."

"But why have you never told him this?" My mind was still reeling from all the revelations.

"I don't know? We're guys. It's not like we go around discussing our feelings and such."

"Unless you're Edward!" We both said at the same time. That got me laughing until I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I had no idea he even knew Edward.

We spent the rest of the afternoon eating and laughing, until I had to get back home to pick up Reagan from school. I couldn't believe I had let my stupid male ego get in the way of being friends with this guy. And now he was dying. I felt the tears start falling down my cheeks again as I let myself out of the car.

"Don't cry baby. Everything will be fine." I let him pull me in to a tight embrace and I hugged him back just as tightly.

"I love you…Daddy. I want you to come over for dinner next Tuesday, okay?"

"Are you sure Jasper won't mind?" He asked.

"Positive. So we'll see you next week."

I watched as he drove off and then, realizing the time, hurried to the school to grab Reagan. We were cutting it close to make it to dance class, but we made it. After class finished, I deposited her at Em and Rose's.

I made it back to the house with just enough time to shower and slip my dress on before I fell asleep in the chair, to thoughts of what I was in store for tonight.

**

* * *

**

Alice POV

"Good morning!" I sang as I stepped into the office.

"You're chipper this morning, Jasper." Miya said as she handed me my schedule for today.

I grinned. "Yeah, well, some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug. Today? I'm the windshield."

She giggled.

"Quoting Mary Chapin Carpenter this morning?" Jamie asked as she stepped in as well.

I grinned. Being in Jasper's body seemed to bring out the country music buff in me. "As a matter of fact."

Jamie looked at Miya. "If he starts singing about passionate kisses, don't you take him up on the offer."

Miya's lower lip pouted out and she snapped her fingers. "Damn it."

I laughed. I'd long since known about Miya's crush on my husband. And that was fine. I knew she would never cross that line, or, rather, if she tried, Jasper would put a stop to it. He knew I knew people with connections…connections that could get him some concrete shoes, that is. "So, ladies, I've got some…work stuff to work on. Call me if you need me…" And with that, I stepped into Jasper's office.

I worked on Leo's presentation from "Alice" for about fifteen minutes when I suddenly remembered what tomorrow was. Crap. I had to make sure I stayed right with the doctor. If he said one thing out of turn…Jasper would have my ass on a platter. I dialed Rosalie's cell phone number and she answered on the first ring. "I'm on my way, damn it! I'm sorry! Stupid fucking hormones! I had to!"

I giggled, well, with Jasper's voice it ended up sounding like a guffaw. "Exactly what are you owning up to?" I asked.

"Alice?"

"Yes."

She blew out a breath. "I thought you were Jamie calling me. I was…horny, this morning. We rode together…and…"

"And you stopped off on the side of the interstate for a quickie?" I asked.

"No! It was the Wal-Mart parking lot, and…" She started.

I laughed again. "Fine, but I have bigger fish to fry than you getting some from Emmett. Tomorrow is my doctor's appointment."

"Uh-oh." She said.

"Yeah, what am I…"

Just then my intercom buzzed. "Jasper? Mr. Alister is here for you."

"Shit, give me five minutes, okay?" I told her before turning back to my phone call. "Listen, Rose, what am I going to do?"

"You could just come clean."

"No. We're so close…I just wanted…"

"Ali, look. The doctor is concerned. Jasper's in the body of a time bomb."

"It's not _that _bad, Rosalie!" I screeched at her. "I'm healthy, I'm just tiny!"

"And Jasper's the one stuck inside that tiny thing. You know what the doctor said. If your blood pressure went any higher, he was putting you on bed rest."

I blew out a breath. "It's just a little high. I was watching what I ate…"

"And you really think _Jasper _is watching what _he _eats? He's probably snacking on ho-ho's and candy as we speak. The doctor was also concerned about your blood sugar…"

"Don't, Rose, okay? I'm stupid, this was stupid, I shouldn't have…but I did and now…" I sighed. "I'll tell him, so he's not shocked tomorrow."

"Go, put it out of your mind. It's fine. You're fine, he's fine, the baby's fine, go enjoy your time at the spa, you bitch. Leaving me to do all the work."

"Well, if the going gets too tough, you could always fuck Emmett on your desk." I snorted.

"Not a bad idea…" She said.

"Eww…" I said as I hung up the phone. Then I glanced at Jasper's desk. Hmm…well, I guess I couldn't say much. I was pretty sure this second baby was conceived on his desk when he was working at the other firm…

* * *

"Ahhh…this feels amazing." I said as the woman pressed the hot rocks into my back.

"Mmm…" Leo mumbled, his face stuck in the hole in the table. "This was a great idea, Jasper. I haven't been massaged in forever."

"I get one every now and again, but this was just what the doctor ordered…" I already felt loose as a goose and more like "Alice". We'd had facials, had manicures, and now we were getting massages.

"You know, when you suggested this, I didn't really think…" He started.

I chuckled. "Well, granted, this is more my wife's thing, but I just said, 'what the hell' and went with it."

He lifted his head and smiled over at me. "So, when are you going to let me meet this allusive wife of yours?"

"Well…right now isn't the best time, she's concentrating on the baby, but after the birth, sure, I'm sure she would love it."

He sighed. "It must be so nice to be with someone you love."

"You don't have anyone special?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "No, it's hard to find a good man."

I snorted. "Tell me about it." Jasper was one in a million, that much was for sure.

"Pardon?" He asked.

Crap. Gotta watch that internal filter more carefully. "I, uh, I just remember how hard it was, the whole dating scene…"

"It's exponentially harder when you're a gay man, Jasper, let me tell you."

I thought a moment and a name popped into my head. "You know, Alice has a friend…"

His eyebrow rose and I smiled. "Someone she knew from college, he was in design with her…" I hadn't seen Josh in forever, but I just got an email from him a week or so ago. "Maybe we should set you up on a date."

"I don't normally do blind dates." He said.

I smiled. "But it couldn't hurt, right?" I prompted.

He laughed. "Do you always get your way?" He asked.

I'm Alice. Of course I do.

* * *

I drove home excited. I'd asked Jasper out to dinner…just the two of us. It would be the perfect opportunity for us to talk about things and maybe see about how we're going to go about switching back. I enjoyed being him, but I knew it wasn't fair to him, and truthfully? I really missed my time with Ray-Ray and the girls. I don't think I'd enjoy working full time again. That would just suck.

I pulled up in the driveway and was surprised Jasper was already walking out of the door. Was he standing there looking out the window? I chuckled and deciding to do what he normally did, I stepped out and walked over to hold the door open for him.

He beamed up at me and I bent down to kiss him. "Hello, did you have a good day?"

Tears floated in his eyes briefly but he blinked them away. "Yeah, I did…it was…interesting."

"Uh-oh." I said. "What happened?"

He smiled. "Get in and I'll tell you about it."

I sidled over to the driver's side and slid in. "Where are we going?" He asked.

I smiled. "You'll see." I'd gotten us reservations at the little Italian place down the road. "So, how was your day?"

"I had lunch with your dad." He said flatly.

"Jazzy…"

"Alice, why didn't you tell me he was so sick?"

I felt my own eyes water. "Jazzy, I didn't want to…I mean, with all the stress you're under I just…"

He grasped my hand and said, "Alice, you should have told me. Never fear about telling me the truth. I may not be happy with it, but I'll always stay right by your side, you know that, right?"

I sniffled and nodded. I didn't want to think about my daddy dying…I just couldn't take it. I knew it was getting nearer to the end, but I just kept hoping…I'd gotten him all kinds of herbal treatments and vitamins and bless his heart, he was taking them. But I was hurting with the thoughts of him…

Just then, I noticed the car pulling to the right a little bit… "Jazz…I think the car…"

"Pull over," He instructed me shortly.

I managed to pull off onto the side of the road and we both got out. He kicked the now-flat tire with my delicate Jimmy Choo's and I had to fight the urge to groan. If he knew how expensive those shoes were… "It's flat." He stated.

I resisted the urge to say, "No shit" and was quite proud of myself that I didn't. "So…what are we going to do?"

He looked at me, then down at his stomach. "Uh, well, in case you haven't noticed…I'm kind of pregnant…so…"

"Eww! I'm going to have to change a tire?!"

"Well, I sure as hell can't do it, Alice!" He screeched at me.

"Don't you yell at me, Jasper Whitlock! I don't know how do to it! I normally call you or Daddy!"

"You sure as shit are _not _going to call your father! I will _not _have him think I'm a total pussy and unworthy of the things he said about me today!"

I was curious as to what exactly they said to each other, but I said, "Fine. I'll just call Em, have him come do it. At least he knows what's going on."

"Fine! I'm going to sit in the car!" Jasper said, stopping my small feet in the process.

Great. Just fucking great! I pulled out my phone and dialed Emmett's cell number. He answered on the third ring. "Yo, Jalice! S'up?"

"I have a flat tire." I said.

He let out a snort, and then he started laughing his ass off.

"Ha, ha, jackass. Can you come change it?"

"Nope."

"No? NO?! Why?"

"Because, if I leave Rosalie here, pregnant, with three girls and fifty cupcakes, she'll de-ball me and I'm rather attached to my balls…"

"Fucking pussy!" I growled.

"Hey! You really sounded like Jasper there!"

"Not…helping…Em." I said through gritted teeth.

He laughed again. "You've got all of Jasper's strength. I'm sure you can figure it out."

I snapped the phone shut, hanging up on him. I stepped to the driver's side door and popped the trunk. Jasper just glared at me. I slammed the door shut and walked to the back of the car once more. I got out the tire iron and looked at it. It had little groves on it for the bolts…this couldn't be too hard, could it?

Next, I saw the tire and tugged it out of its special little hiding place under the floor of the trunk. Cool. I saw something else, and it looked like a jack…I'd seen one of them on TV. I got it out as well.

I sat all my supplies next to me and looked at the tire. _Okay, Ali, you can do this. It's…easy, right? _I picked up the jack once more and put it under the side of the car. I grabbed the bar thingie and started pumping it up, just like I'd seen them do in the movies. Pump, pump, pump, and then…I heard a CRACK.

"What the hell?" I looked…and shit! There was now a crack in part of the car! How the hell did that happen? What had I done wrong? Now I'd broken the car? I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

_I can't do this, I can't do this. I don't want to be a man! I want to be a girl! I want to get manicures and fix my hair and not have people look at me funny and…_

Just then, a car pulled up behind us. I wiped my eyes just as a man stepped out. "Hey, buddy, you got issues?"

"Y-yeah," I said. "Stupid tire…I just can't…I'm…" Suddenly, an idea struck. I batted my eyelashes. "Say…you wouldn't want to help me, would you? I surely would appreciate it…I just can't…" I tried to make myself sugary sweet as I bit my lip and flirted a little bit.

He looked at me odd. "Look, buddy, I don't swing that way. But if ya can't do it, I'll be glad to help ya, okay?"

My eyes grew wide. _Shit! You're in Jasper's body, remember? _"Th-thank you." I said softly.

He smiled as he walked around to the offending tire. "Well, I see you cracked the fiberglass…you know, you really shouldn't attempt it if you don't know what you're doing." He said, not unkindly.

"I…I'll remember that."

He changed the tire with no problems and I handed him a twenty dollar bill. He didn't want to take it, but I insisted. I walked back to the driver's side door like…well, like a man to the gallows. I sat down behind the wheel and saw Jasper's, or, well, _my _shoulders shaking. "Look, Jazz, I'm sorry I was so ill tempered back there…"

He shook his head and looked at me. It was then I realized…he was laughing at me! "Noooo, Alice! I will _never _be able to get that sight out of my head! You, in my body, trying to flirt with a _man_!"

I let out a little growl as I cranked the car again. "Shut up, Jazzy, just shut up."

He laughed all the way to the restaurant.

He laughed _in _the restaurant, all through dinner.

He laughed all the way to Rose and Emmett's, where he proceeded to tell the whole tale to them and _they _laughed at me.

He chortled all the way home, softly, since Reagan was pooped and asleep in the backseat.

I glared at the back of his head as I picked up Reagan and carried her to her room and he was _still_ giggly when I made it into our bedroom. I flopped onto the bed. I felt the mattress dip and felt his body slide closer to mine. "So…I think you promised me something…?" He asked as he rubbed my cock through my pants.

"Ugh!" I said as I stood. "Not just no, Jasper, but _hell _no! You made me look like a fool in front of Emmett and Rosalie! I _know _I'm not as smart as you, I know I'm not as good with cars and stuff as you, but you didn't have to make me look like a total moron!"

"Alice…"

"I'm sleeping in the guest room." I said flatly as I grabbed my pillow and stormed out. The nerve of him…

I got about halfway down the hall when I heard the sniffles. I sighed. Shit. I'm making him miserable. There has to be a way out of this, right?


	6. Wednesday

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. NOT Stephenie Meyer. If so, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than **_**Renesmee. **_

**AN: Here ya go...the chapter that many of you have been waiting for...Jasper goes to the doctor. **

**We knew you were a bunch of evil ****Be-yatches, but that's okay we are too.**

**Thanks so much to our Master-beta, fiberkitty.**

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Jasper POV

My nose awoke me to the delicious smells of country ham and eggs. I slid out of bed and padded into the kitchen. I was shocked to see the time on the kitchen stove showed eight thirty. Alice had obviously let me sleep in.

"Good morning, Jasper. Why don't you have a seat and I'll get you some breakfast."

Slowly, I slid into the chair and watched Alice flit around the kitchen. It seemed that even in my body, she had an endless amount of energy.

She set the plate in front of me, overflowing with all my favorites: ham, scrambled eggs with cheese, home fries and biscuits with gravy. She made herself a plate and slid into the chair next to me. I had the fork at my mouth when I thought about her outburst last night.

"So does this mean I am forgiven for the tire? You know I didn't mean to upset you, darlin'."

"I know, Jasper. Guess I can't get all the girly emotions out, even in someone else's body."

I knew better that to push the issue, so I started shoveling the food into my mouth. "So why aren't you at work?" I asked between bites. "And why didn't you get me up to take Reagan to school?"

The strangest expression crossed her face and her voice lowered to a whisper. "You have a doctor's appointment today."

Her eyes never lifted from her plate and I was positive I had heard her wrong.

"Excuse me. Did you just say I have a doctor's appointment today?"

She gave a silent nod, still staring at her plate.

"Well you need to call and change it. There is no way I can go to the doctor like this!"

"Please, Jazzy baby. I would change it but it is just too short of notice."

She lifted her head and gave me her signature puppy dog expression, although it was not nearly as appealing on my face. However, it was still my Alice and I couldn't say no.

"Fine, fine. I'll go."

She jumped from her seat covering my face in kisses. "Finish your breakfast so you can get ready. We have to be there at ten thirty."

"That is two hours from now." I pointed out.

"Exactly." She said leaving the room.

I had a feeling deep in my bones that it was going to be an extremely long day.

* * *

Two hours later I was primped, polished and sitting in the waiting room of Alice's obstetrician.

"Wow, babe. Look at all the pregnant women. It just goes to show there is a whole lot of fucking going on in this town."

Quickly she clamped her hand over my mouth. "Shhh!! Not so loud, everyone is staring at us." I looked around the room; everyone was reading their magazines, totally oblivious to us.

A nurse stepped from the back room and glanced at her clipboard. "Alice Whitlock," she called.

Alice helped pull me to a standing position as we followed the nurse through the door.

"How are you feeling today, Alice?" She asked.

"Umm… fine." I can do this, I can do this. I internally chanted. I mean it is just a doctor's appointment. Alice has been coming for almost eight months.

We stopped in front of a bathroom and the nurse opened the door.

"Okay, Alice. Just leave the sample inside the window like always and I'll meet you at the scale."

She turned and walked away as I gave Alice a perplexed look.

"There is a cup on the back of the commode. Pee in it and put it inside that little window." She whispered while pointing to a tiny metal door.

I walked in and shut the door behind me. Grabbing a cup, I pulled down my panties and sat on the commode. Slowly I turned the cup over in my hands. Now how exactly were you supposed to get the pee in this tiny cup?

It dawned on me that getting the pee in the cup may not be my first problem. For the first time since switching, I actually didn't have to go to the bathroom.

I sat and sat and mentally willed myself to pee. Nothing…fucking great!

A few moments later, I heard a gentle knock on the door, followed by my voice. "You okay in there?" Alice whispered.

"I can't go." I whined.

"Try running the water. That might help."

I leaned over and turned on the faucet. I tried to think about the water, lakes, babbling brooks…I felt the warm urine start to drip from me as I hastily stuck the tiny Dixie cup between my legs, trying to catch the pee in it. Not an easy feat when you can't see where you are aiming.

I felt some splash on my hands and then heard the distinctive sound of it catching in the cup opposed to hitting the water.

Gingerly I removed the cup from between my legs and set it in the tiny window, closing the little metal door behind it. That was just more than a little gross.

I scrubbed my hands in the sink and exited the bathroom just in time to see the nurse sticking a little piece of paper in it and then disposing of it.

"Hey, missy, it took some work to get that." She looked at me like I had lost my mind, but just led me to a chair and attached a blood pressure cuff to my arm. As soon as the cuff came off, she made some notations in a folder and led me over to a scale.

I stepped on and watched as she moved the weights at the top back and forth until it was in balance.

"Well, Miss Alice, seven pounds since last time." The nurse said writing the amount in the same folder.

"Seven! You gained seven pounds?! What the hell have you been eating?" Alice shrieked.

I shrunk from her glare until the nurse came and put her arm around my shoulder. "Mr. Whitlock, you may need to go sit in the waiting room until the exam is over if you cannot control yourself. "

I watched my shoulders slump as Alice reached out to grab my hands. "Of course, I'm sorry. It was just uh…unexpected."

We were led to a small room and the nurse reached under the sink and grabbed a gown. "Okay, Mrs. Whitlock. Put the gown on, open in the front and the doctor will be here in a moment."

I stripped down and put on the gown, climbing onto the exam table. We had been waiting almost fifteen minutes when the door opened. To my surprise, Edward walked in.

"Hey, guys. Doctor Green had an emergency delivery so I am going to be seeing you today."

_The fuck you are,_ I thought as I pulled the gown tighter around my naked body. "I don't think so Edward. If our regular doctor is not here than maybe we should just come back." I went to climb off the table but thought better of it considering I was only wearing a gown.

"Don't be ridiculous. This is my job." He turned to my body, leaning against the wall. "Come on, Jasper. It's no big deal."

I made a slicing motion across my throat, and it was not lost on Alice. "No, Edward. I think someone else would be more appropriate." She shot me a reassuring smile. It was going to be hard enough to get through this appointment as it was.

"A woman, you got some women doctors in this office, right? If not as long as he is old it will be alright" I had noticed an extremely good looking doctor looking over some charts when I was having my vitals taken. I most certainly did not want some hot looking Latin guy between my wife's legs - even if she wasn't in her body.

"I'll see if Dr. Walker is available, but it may be a few minutes."

"That's okay, we'll wait."

He shut the door behind him and I let out a sigh of relief. I did not want him anywhere near Alice's private parts – medical degree or not.

Another thirty minutes later, the door finally opened to a round, older man.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. I'm Dr. Shay. Let's see what we have going on with this baby."

He helped me lay on my back and then pulled one side of the gown open. His pudgy hands massaged one breast and then moved to the other side and did the same. I held my breath, finally releasing it when he closed it back.

"Have you had any colostrum leaking yet?"

"Have I had any what?" What the fuck is colostrum? And why the fuck am I lying on a table having some guy feel me up?

"No, not yet." Alice answered.

Dr. Shay gave her a strange look but just turned to me as he pulled a small tape measure out of his pocket.

He stretched it from the top of my burgeoning belly down to the underside.

"Right where you should be. Now let's see if we can hear the little booger."

He pulled a tube from his jacket pocket and put a large squirt on my stomach.

"Oh shit that's cold!"

"Sorry Ms. Whitlock." He took another tool from his pocket and started rubbing the jelly across my belly with it. A few seconds later I head a distinctive thump - thump.

"Is that…?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"The baby's heartbeat. Nice and strong too."

I looked over at Alice and I could tell she was teary eyed. I suddenly felt bad that I was always working when she came to the doctor. It was amazing to be able to hear our baby's heartbeat coming through loud and clear.

He shut the machine off and grabbed a tissue cleaning the nasty shit from my stomach.

Well this hadn't been too bad. I got ready to sit up when he grabbed a pair of gloves from the counter and pulled up a chair at the end of the table.

"If you will just scoot down so that your bottom is at the end of the table, and I will help you get your feet in the stirrups."

Stirrups? Did he just say stirrups!? What the fuck?

I looked over at Alice in desperation. Surely this was a joke. The look on her face told me otherwise. I scooted down the table a few centimeters and stopped, clenching my legs together in a death grip.

"A little bit farther, Mrs. Whitlock." The doctor's voice floated from the end of the table.

I took a deep breath and moved on down the table, never unlocking my knees.

I felt the doctor grab one foot and try to pry it from the other.

"No need to be shy. The sooner we get started the sooner it will be over with." _I'm sure you say that to all the women, you little fucker._

Sensing my apprehension, Alice walked over to stand by my head, taking my small hand in her large one, rubbing soothing circles along the back.

"Relax. It will make it much easier." She whispered.

Finally, I unclenched my legs and allowed the doctor to place one in each stirrup. He rolled his chair even closer to the table, leaning back to turn on a lamp behind him.

Holy shit! Damn lamp was as bright as the lights at Yankee stadium. And here it is directed straight at my hoo-ha. Can this shit get any better?

I heard a squirting sound and then… Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!!!!!!

Two cold, wet fingers slipped into my…Alice's… fuck whoever's, vagina. And where in the fuck did that word come from? _Because ass wipe, it sounds even worse to use the word pussy when the Pillsbury doughboy has his hand inside of it_.

He poked and prodded. Even going as far as to stand up and push on my lower pelvic region while probing with his fingers.

_Better not push too hard there, bud. I have gone almost an hour without peeing. You might get more than you bargained for._

FINALLY, he removed his fingers, grabbing a tissue, and laying it between my legs. I felt like telling him that little feel at least deserved dinner and a movie.

"Mrs. Whitlock, you are about three centimeters dilated and twenty-five percent effaced." He grabbed his chart and started jotting down figures.

Now I may be a guy but I have been around enough to know that dilated and efface are terms they use when they talk about delivering babies.

I practically jumped from the table, gown flying open, damn tissue still sticking to me from the slimy shit he used.

"I'm not ready. I can't have this baby yet. Do you understand me? So plug it up or give me some meds or some shit, because I cannot deliver this baby!"

Dr. Shay dropped his folder at my hysterics as Alice stepped in front of me pulling the gown back closed.

"It's okay, baby. It's normal." I was barley comprehending her words. The room was starting to spin, as I gripped the table.

Effortlessly she picked me up and laid me back on the exam table.

"Why don't you get cleaned up and changed, while I talk to the doctor outside?" She leaned down and whispered into my ear. "It's okay, Jazz. You are not going to have to deliver our baby."

I watched as she led the confused doctor from the room as tears started running down my cheeks. To my surprise I also had some whitish crap coming from my left boob.

So that is what colostrum is. Just fucking great!

**

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APOV

I felt bad that Jasper had to come to the doctor for my check up, but really…I did want to check my body's blood pressure and stuff. I had a fairly strict diet to keep my blood sugar in check as well. I watched him as we drove over to the office. He looked nervous. I patted his, well, my, leg softly and smiled at him. "It'll be okay, Jasper. I promise."

He shot me a look. Oh well, I guess the pregnancy hormones make him a little cranky. I can handle that.

I giggled internally when Jasper had to pee in the cup. Oh, that would have been worth the price of admission. Damn those things, but then he got on the scale… "Seven! You gained seven pounds?! What the hell have you been eating?" I shrieked. _Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod…Jasper! You're going to cause me to go into heart failure! What else have you done? _

He looked like I'd slapped him in the face and the nurse put her arm around his shoulder. "Mr. Whitlock, you may need to go sit in the waiting room until the exam is over if you cannot control yourself. "

I felt my shoulders slump and I reached out to grab his hands. _Great, you're going to get the man all worked up in hysterics. _"Of course, I'm sorry. It was just uh…unexpected."

We were led to a room and Jasper had to put on an exam gown. And I knew how effed up this whole situation was when the sight of my cute little ass caused the cock in my pants to swell. I blew out a breath and propped Jasper's lanky body up against the wall in the corner. A few minutes later, Edward walked in.

"Hey, guys. Doctor Green had an emergency delivery so I am going to be seeing you today."

_Oh, God. Are you shitting me?_ Apparently Jasper was thinking the same thing. "I don't think so Edward. If our regular doctor is not here than maybe we should just come back." Jasper made to climb down, but seemed to re-think it as the gown wouldn't cover much.

"Don't be ridiculous. This is my job." He turned to me as I leaned against the wall. "Come on, Jasper. It's no big deal."

Jasper shot me a look and a completely unveiled threat and I held in a smile. There was no way I'd let Edward look at my vajayjay in Jasper's presence anyway. That just…that wouldn't be good at all. "No, Edward. I think someone else would be more appropriate."

"A woman, you got some women doctors in this office, right? If not as long as he is old it will be alright" Jasper said suddenly and I wished like hell I could just tell him to shut up. I didn't talk like that. Moron.

"I'll see if Dr. Walker is available, but it may be a few minutes."

"That's okay, we'll wait."

He shut the door behind him and I think we both let out a sigh of relief. Another thirty minutes later, the door finally opened to a round, older man.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. I'm Dr. Shay. Let's see what we have going on with this baby."

He checked out my body and I had to admit, I really liked him. He was sweet and not at all touchy-feely like some other doctors could be. He was kindly, like a grandfather, almost.

"If you will just scoot down so that your bottom is at the end of the table, and I will help you get your feet in the stirrups."

Oh crap. I forgot about that. I tried my best to look apologetic to Jasper, who was looking at me like I'd just told him he would have to sky-dive without a parachute.

I could see the difficulty he was having with the concept and I whispered, "Relax. It will make it much easier."

After the exam, the doctor looked up at us. "Mrs. Whitlock, you are about three centimeters dilated and twenty-five percent effaced." He grabbed his chart and started jotting down figures.

My eyes grew rounder. What?! I'm not…he can't…we aren't…shit! I have to fix this! NOW!

Jasper practically jumped from the table, gown flying open…"I'm not ready. I can't have this baby yet. Do you understand me? So plug it up or give me some meds or some shit, because I cannot deliver this baby!"

Dr. Shay dropped his folder at Jasper's antics and I stepped in front of him, pulling the gown back closed. "It's okay, baby. It's normal." I said, but I didn't mean it. This is bad. This is really bad. Sure, with Reagan I walked around for a few weeks dilated to three. But at this point in time? Still so soon to the end of my pregnancy? No…it's too soon…

I looked at him. He looked faint. I picked him up and laid him back on the exam table. "Why don't you get cleaned up and changed, while I talk to the doctor outside?" I leaned down and whispered into his ear. "It's okay, Jazz. You are not going to have to deliver our baby." _Even I'M not that much of a sadistic bitch to wish this on him. It was fun for a little while, but now…now we _had _to get switched back into our bodies. He couldn't handle this, it was unfair…_

I led the doctor out of the room and I said, "Give it to me plain, doc. How bad is it?"

He sighed and pulled off his glasses to clean hem on a scrap of cloth from his pocket. "Well, Mr. Whitlock…her blood pressure is one fifty over ninety six. That's a bit high for someone that's as small and had as many complications as she did last time. The urine test showed sugar as well as protein in her urine. I see in her chart she has been told to watch her sweets and her salt intake…"

I nodded. And I had been…up until Jasper and I switched bodies. "What can we do?"

He blew out a breath. "She'll need to be put on bed rest if this gets any worse and she definitely needs to watch her diet. I want her coming back tomorrow, let's get a fasting blood sugar on her, and see how bad it is. We can make our determination then, alright?"

I nodded, barely breathing. "O-okay, doctor. Whatever you say is best."

"I must warn you, Mr. Whitlock…if her sugar doesn't stay low, and her blood pressure doesn't lower, there is a chance of premature birth. As it is…I'm looking toward bed rest for her anyway."

I could have cried. That was _my _body he was talking about. And I knew it. I was a stupid, selfish, egotistical bitch to do this to us now. But I would make it right.

* * *

Jasper was still kind of freaked out by the whole doctor thing, so I told him I'd look after him. I called in, canceled the rest of the meetings that were planned for the day, and called to ask Bella if she could pick up Reagan for us from school when she got Anthony. I took Jazz home, swinging by to get him a chef salad from Cracker Barrel. It wasn't the healthiest thing, but at least it didn't have a lot of salt or sugar in it.

We took the food home and ate in somewhat strained silence before he said in a soft, scared voice, "Ali? Am I going to have to…?"

I shook my head. "No, baby. I swear. You won't have to deliver our baby, okay?"

"You promise?"

He sounded so cute, even with my voice, I still knew it was him. As weird as it sounded, my voice _sounded _like my Jazzy. "I promise, Jasper." I smiled. "Come on, I know something that will help you."

"Ice cream?" He asked hopefully.

I sighed. I was going to have to have a little talk with him. But not now. "Nope, better. A bubble bath."

His eyebrow rose and I smiled. "Trust me on this. I'll even sponge bathe you…"

He grinned and I helped him up, leading him to our room. I set the temperature of the water, adding in some sensitive skin bubbles so his, er, my skin didn't dry out. "Would you join me?" He asked shyly.

_You're playing right into my hands, baby, _I thought. "Of course." I quickly stripped naked and then helped him into the tub before I got in behind him. Huh. It was weird being in this body in the tub. The water floating along the balls and penis between my legs felt…damn. I felt said penis start to stir, but I held that down, thinking of nasty thoughts like Rose's dad naked to abate the raging hard-on that wanted to come. I was in a bad way. We hadn't had sex since that night we switched and I…I think I needed a little something.

I began to lave attention all over Jasper, massaging soap into his skin, rubbing the poof over his breasts until his nipples puckered. And that gave me a great idea. My hands began traveling down, down, down, until he said, "What are you doing?!"

"Shhh," I whispered into his ear as I licked the shell. "Just…go with it, okay? I'm going to make you feel so good, baby."

I started slow, just tempting, teasing his folds. He whimpered and I smiled as my pointer finger danced over his clit. "Do you like that?"

"God, Alice…" He said, his voice strangled.

"Mmm…I know, I like to feel you." I said as I gently thrust a finger into him. His tiny hips bucked into my hand, trying to gain more friction. My erection was growing behind him and I knew he could feel it pressing against his lower back. "See what you do to me?" I purred in his deep voice, the southern accent all the more prevalent with my desire.

I pulled away and teased the clit a bit more and his moaning increased. I knew that sound, I'd done it enough. He was close to his very first orgasm as a woman. "Cum for me, sugar," I said, dropping his voice even lower. I knew he heard me in it, just like I heard him in mine, but hearing his voice coming out of my mouth was getting _me _turned on all the more and I slipped two fingers in, thrusting just a tad rougher and he cried out as his muscles clamped on my fingers. "Yes…" I moaned, thrusting slightly into his back. Damn. The friction felt so good on that cock…

He let out a keening little wail as he continued coming. I knew it had been a good one. I knew exactly where my g-spot was. I knew how to manipulate it just like it needed to be to achieve maximum pleasure.

"Fuck! Al!" He cried as he hit the top of his peak.

I let out a groan and felt the oddest sensation, almost like…shit. I started thrusting against the friction of his ass rubbing into me and I started panting as I felt my own release, I couldn't stop it even if I would have wanted to try. I tightened my grip on him, needing him closer so that sweet friction could rub my wet dick. "Fuck, Jazz…" I growled as I felt stream after stream shoot from me. "Fu…u…uck." I groaned through clenched teeth as I reached my end. My head fell back and hit the side wall with a 'thunk'.

We were both silent for a moment before I felt Jasper start to shake in my arms. _Crap. Is he crying? _I managed to get more into a sitting position and said, "Jazz?"

The shaking continued for a moment before… "Jazz, are you _laughing_ at me?"

He was giggling so hard, my face was turning read. "I'm…I'm…I'm sorry!" He said. "B-b-but that was the fastest that body's cum since I was like, thirteen!"

I let out a little growl. "So, what? I'm a two minute man?"

His face took on a sweet smile as he turned to kiss me. "Of course not. You're just…you're so excitable and you were so turned on and you had a case of blue balls. It could happen to anyone."

Why did I have the feeling he was still making fun of me? I let out a little pout, but, I'd done what I'd set out to achieve. I'd gotten him off, relaxed him. Now I could…well, at least Jasper's body had a fast recovery time. I stood and said, "Come on, let's get out of the jizz water, okay?"

He let out a little snort. "Okay."

I got out and slung a towel around my hips before I helped him stand and picked him up over onto the soft rug. I dropped to my knees, taking my time to dry his body off with loving hands before I picked him up and carried him naked to the bed. I had turned down the covers, so it was easy for me to slip him into the bed. I slid in next to him and kissed his neck delicately. He let out a little whimper. "Jazzy, sweetie, I want to talk to you, okay?"

He sighed. "It's not bad," I added quickly. "I just…I didn't really come very clean with you. I knew you had work and stuff and you were under so much stress and…"

"You've been lying to me." He said flatly. "About what?"

"Uh, um…my health."

"I've made it worse, haven't I?"

I closed my eyes. "Jazzy, baby, it's not…"

"Tell me the truth, Alice."

"Yes. I was trying so hard. It isn't the weight you've put on, though, that's excessive for someone of my size, but, the doctor was worried about my sugar. You know how I had to watch what I ate with Reagan…"

"But you didn't tell me I needed to be careful!" He said hotly, and I knew the tears were there as well.

I hugged him tighter, trying not to get angry. "No, I didn't. But you should have known, Jazz. You were so _there _for Reagan. Every doctor visit, every time she kicked, you were there. And with this baby…"

"I've been working." He said adamantly. "I can't be there every fucking minute when Emmett, Rosalie and I are trying to get this business up off the ground!"

"I _know _that, Jasper. But don't you understand how I felt? It's like…like you didn't want it, didn't want _me _anymore. All you ever did was work…"

"All you ever do is _shop, _Alice. How do you expect me to pay for everything if I don't work all the fucking time?"

I felt my nostrils flair in anger. Did he really not get it? How I clip coupons and wait for things to go on sale? I do! I don't just go out and buy a five hundred dollar pair of shoes! Granted, when I get them on sale, they're two fifty, but still…I am shopping smart. I'm not out just blowing every bit of money he makes! I may not be able to keep a budget, but I do try…and it seems like he doesn't appreciate it! He never does! And that's what I told him. "You don't get it, Jasper! I try! I don't just buy every fucking thing I see, damn it!" I let out a huff and turned away from him.

I felt his small hand on my shoulder. "Ali, don't…"

I turned back over. "I'm not just a shopaholic, Jasper. Granted, I do enjoy shopping, but…"

He blew out a breath. "Look, we both have things we need to learn about each other, even after all this time."

I smiled and kissed him. "Exactly. But…I think that can wait, don't you?" I scooted closer, my now hardening member brushing his distended stomach.

"Don't even think about it." He said in a monotone voice.

"Don't what?" I asked sweetly.

"Don't you even think you're going to come near me with that thing."

"What?" I asked defensively.

"For one, you don't know how to work my dick. For two, I'm tired, and for three? I feel like a beached whale! Even more so now that I know that I haven't been watching what I eat, have gained seven pounds and uh…can't wear that one dress you like so much…"

"What?!" I asked. Okay, it's no big deal. It was a little snug anyway. It was an extra-small maternity dress. I guess he was now wearing a small. He was still cute, still perfect. "It doesn't matter." I said quickly. "All that matters is I love you and I want to show you…"

"No."

I pulled on my hair. "Damn it, Jasper! "I'm scared, okay? I'm fucking _terrified _here! I don't want to go back on my promise!"

He went pale. "A-a-are you telling me what I think you are?"

I shut my eyes and winced. "Premature labor is a complication of preeclampsia. And my body is borderline as it is."

His mouth fell open. "You fucking…how _could _you, Ali? How could you do this?!"

"I wasn't thinking!" I defended. "I'm _so _sorry, Jazzy." I felt a tear run down my cheek. "I messed up, I made a mistake!"

"Alice…" He said. His voice was afraid. "H-how are we going to fix this?"

"The only way we can." I said, determinedly. "We have to have sex."

* * *

**AN2: We have started our story _How to Save a Life_ this week. Please go and check it out. It is going to be dark and controversial and extremely sexy.**

**We are also working on a one shot for a new contest hosted by the Fournikation Foundation. All I can say about The Cullen men as pirates is Shiver me timbers!!**


	7. Wed Con't and Thursday

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. 'Nuff said. Actually, fiberkitty said we needed to state that we are NOT SM because we kick ass, so, no, we are NOT Stephenie Meyer. If we were, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than **_**Renesmee **_

**Preggers and Proud: A Jasper/Alice story**

**AN: Not got much to say except I'm total fail about posting. Don't be hatin' on me, 'kay?**

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Last time on P&P:

"_Alice…" He said. His voice was afraid. "H-how are we going to fix this?"_

"_The only way we can." I said, determinedly. "We have to have sex."_

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Alice POV

"S-sex?" Jasper asked in a small voice.

I nodded. "It can't be that hard, can it?" I asked. "I mean, I've been working cocks ever since I was eighteen years old, Jasper."

His brow furrowed. He didn't like me talking about the men I'd had before him. But really. He knew I wasn't a virgin when we got married. Not like Bella. How the hell Edward could have ever thought Bella was a virgin when they met was beyond me. Granted, I didn't know _who _she'd been with…I suspected Rosalie knew, but that was one thing I didn't push. I knew enough about them, I didn't _like _to be called a busybody. Sometimes it just happened.

I sighed. "Look. Insert tab A into slot B and there you go. It can _not _be too difficult."

"Probably not, if you aren't the pregnant one! What if you squish the baby?"

I rolled my eyes. "Jasper, you can't 'squish' the baby! It is in an amniotic sac surrounded by a cushion of water. You'll be fine."

He eyed me. "A-are you sure?"

Was I sure that having the sex wouldn't put my body into labor? No. That was how it had been with Reagan. Mama Whitlock's spaghetti and a round of 'Alice on top' had led to my water breaking early that next morning. But still…this was a chance we had to take. I couldn't ask Jasper to have this baby. That would be just…so fucking unfair of me. I couldn't do that to him. This was a mistake, I knew it now. I swore, then and there I'd never argue with him over his job or being the man of the house again. He knew about finances, he knew how to change a tire, he knew how to plunge a toilet…and those were things I could never do. I'm not 'man' enough to do those things.

So I sucked in a breath and whispered, "I'm sure."

He still eyed me but nodded. "Okay."

I smiled and kissed him. "Hey, Rosalie said we'd really appreciate having sex in each other's bodies, right?"

He nodded. I sucked in another breath as I helped him onto his side like he always did with me. I ran my hand over our baby and felt it kick. _Mama's coming back, sweetie. I promise, we'll protect you. _I moved so that I was straddling his leg, my cock, which had deflated slightly from the argument, was straining once more. _Damn, who knew I'd be able to keep it up as scared as I am? _

I bent to kiss him and he said, "Wait, Ali." I paused and he smiled at me. "I, uh, I promise to respect you more, okay?"

I nodded as I moved closer, the cock brushing his sensitive folds. I heard him whimper as I said, "I promise, Jazzy. I promise to respect you more too."

I wrapped his other leg around my waist and gently dipped just the tip into him. He let out a little moan, as did I. "Shit, this feels good!" I said as I slowly inched into him.

"God. So…fuck…damn, Alice! No wonder you…"

"You too, baby," I said as I managed to situate myself into him. The heat, the wet, the tightness…I almost came right then, but I had enough presence of mind to realize I only had one shot at this, and I think he was supposed to get off too for this to work. I slowly backed out before thrusting in, a little rougher this time, and I felt his muscles clench around me.

"Fuck," I muttered again. It was indescribable. When men talk about how good a woman feels wrapped around their dick, they aren't kidding. It was like wet velvet, and my pussy felt like it was molded to Jasper's cock like a leather glove; tight, smooth, and…I let out a grunt as his muscles kind of fluttered around me. I smirked. Being pregnant, it only took my body moments for my first orgasm to come. I wanted him to feel it, to know how it feels when the stars dance behind my eyes making me scream his name.

He let out a little whine and I felt for his clit, rubbing it furiously how I liked it and it took only seconds longer before he clamped down on me like a vice, screaming out my name, bucking his hips as he gripped the headboard. "Cum, baby," I purred, his voice dropping further, that sexy accent thickening with my desire.

"Mother…shit…damn…Ali!" He screamed.

I smiled and pulled back, trying to hold onto my sanity. "Did that feel good?"

He was panting as he came down from his high. "Thank God you're one of those women that can have multiple orgasms." He muttered.

I smiled as I dipped into him again. I heard him suck in a breath through clenched teeth and start to groan again. I dropped down to pepper kisses along his shoulder, up over his neck, around to his lips. "I love you, Jazzy."

His lower muscles were clamping down on me again and I knew I wouldn't last much longer… "I love you too, Ali." He said and I was off, all but seizing in pleasure as my orgasm ripped through me. I vaguely recalled him cumming again as I shot my load within him, my eyes rolling back in my head.

I saw the stars in the moments before I fell behind him, kissing his back, his shoulders, his hair, any part of him I could reach. "Thank you, thank you," I muttered as I passed out.

* * *

I woke to the sounds of sniffling. I opened my eyes and glanced at the clock. It was almost five in the evening. Bella would be bringing Reagan back. But sniffling? Why…? Who was sniffling? I turned over…and saw my face.

I screamed like a girl and promptly fell out of the bed. "Jasper?"

"Y-yes…?" He asked softly, still sobbing.

"What the hell happened?" I asked. The hardwood floor was cold to my ass and I hurriedly got back up onto the bed.

"It didn't fucking work, Alice!" He screamed at me. "Oh, God! I'm going to have to have this baby!" He was beyond hysterics at this point.

_It didn't work? But…_ "FUCK!" I yelled. "Why didn't it work!?"

"I don't know! You were the one that gave me this shit! I hate this! And I hate your irrationalism, Alice! Damn you! Don't you fucking touch me!" He yelled, slipping from the other side of the bed. He ran, well, waddled, into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Jazz!" I cried.

But then I heard the doorbell, followed by, "Alice?! Jasper! We're back!"

_Oh crap. Just what we need. _I hurried into some jeans, throwing a tee-shirt on over my head and ran down the stairs.

"Daddy!" Reagan said, jumping into my arms. "Where's Mommy?"

"U-upstairs, pumpkin. She's not feeling very good, okay? Why don't you run and play while I talk to Aunt Bella, alright?"

She giggled and grabbed Anthony's hand, dragging him up the stairs.

"No playing doctor!" I called, remembering Jasper's re-telling of the infamous play day he had to host this week.

"Alice? What's wrong?"

"It didn't work!" I said, falling to pieces.

"What didn't work?" She asked surprised, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me, I guess.

"Sex," I whispered.

Her eyes grew wider. "You and Jasper had _SEX_?!"

I flinched. "Could you tone it down? I don't think Old Lady Perkins with the two hearing aids three doors down heard you, Bella."

She blinked. "I…I'm sorry, I just…how was it?"

"Bella! Focus!" I growled.

She smirked. "What? Ever since Rosalie and Emmett had sex switched I've wondered. Color me curious."

I couldn't quite help the smile as I thought back on it. "It was fuckawesome." I said finally.

Her grin grew.

"But, it didn't work! I should be me by now!"

"Why were you in a hurry to be anyway? Rose and Em were each other for a full week."

"We went to the doctor this morning…" I started and proceeded to tell her everything. "Jasper's pissed at me. He's terrified he'll have to have the baby…and Bella, I don't want to be a man any more!" I was sobbing by this point as well.

She tugged me toward the sofa and made me sit, putting my head between my lanky legs. "Alice, it'll be fine. We'll get this all figured out…"

"What if we don't?" I asked.

She had no answer.

* * *

The next morning, Jasper and I were both nervous. He finally spoke to me after I bribed him with my two favorite men, Ben and Jerry. It wasn't good for him, but, hell, what difference would it make now? I knew one day wouldn't change anything. But still, I made sure he didn't eat anything after eight o'clock the night before and drank only water the following morning so his blood sugar would be at least halfway decent.

My mouth was as dry as cotton as we sat waiting for the nurse to call us back. Jasper had to once more provide a pee sample and then they took him into the lab for his blood pressure check and blood work. After a quick exam by one of the Midwifes, in which, thankfully, he'd not dilated anymore, we were sent _back _out to the waiting room until the rapid blood results came back. Finally we were sent into the doctor's office. It was my doctor, Doctor Green. "Well, Alice, I must say, I'm quite disappointed in your blood test results."

I patted Jasper's hand reassuringly. It wasn't his fault. I should have been more clear. Just another thing to add to my already long list of sins.

"The good news is that your blood sugar is fine. Yesterday must have been a fluke. Granted, it was still a bit high for fasting, but not as bad as I would have thought."

I waited for the other shoe to drop.

"Your blood pressure, however…" He flipped my chart open. "It _is _better than yesterday. Whatever you did yesterday evening must have helped matters."

Jasper let out a little nervous laugh and I felt heat rise to my cheeks. The doctor _had _to know how we'd relaxed…my cock responded at the thought but I beat it into submission as I concentrated on the doctor's words.

"Your blood pressure still leaves a little something to be desired, though. So, for the next week, I want you on full bed rest. Then we'll see you back and reassess at that time, alright?"

I swallowed hard. "Doctor, what…what are the chances of a premature birth at this point?"

"About fifty-fifty." He answered honestly. "But if your blood pressure doesn't go down, I'm going to have to recommend cesarean section for both of your safety." He eyed Jasper. "Alice, I know how much you care about your baby. But I know how much you care about your husband and daughter, too. Please, for the sake of your health, you're going to have to take it easy, alright?"

Jasper bit his lip and nodded. "I understand." He said in a small voice.

The doctor smiled. "I've been birthing babies for twenty years. Trust me, I'm going to keep a close eye on you both."

"Thank you, Doctor." I said as I stood and helped Jasper to his feet. "For everything."

"Look after her, will you? She's such a bright little light."

I felt tears in my eyes as I thought of what Jasper would have to endure. "I will."

We walked back outside and I didn't even hesitate as I picked him up and carried him out to the car. "A…uh, what are you doing?!" He screamed as I stepped out into the cloudy day.

"I'm keeping you off your feet." I said determinedly.

He rolled his eyes. "I think I can walk to the car!"

I shook my head. "Nope, I have to look after you. Period, the end."

He smiled for the first time all day. "I love you." He said, cupping my face and kissing me tenderly.

"I love you, too. Now, let's get you home and settled, okay?"

He nodded. "Okay."

I dialed his office number and I said, "Miya, I need you to reschedule all my appointments. I just took Alice to the doctor. She's going to have to be on bed rest for the next week and I want to be there with her."

"Jasper…you can't. Miss Alvarez is going to be waiting for you at the construction site to tell you what she doesn't like _this _time." I could hear the contempt in her voice.

"Can't Emmett or Rosalie do it?"

Miya let out a snort. "Well, after the _last _time, Rosalie said if she had to be alone with that woman again, _one _of them wasn't coming out alive, and Emmett…Emmett's scared of Maria."

I let out a laugh. "Remind me to rag on him about that later. So…what can we do?"

"I can come over and watch her for you, while you're gone to your meeting." She offered.

"Really? God, Miya, you're a life saver. The office…?"

"Stacey and Jamie can run the place while I'm gone. It won't burn to the ground while I'm out. At least…I hope it won't. But since Emmett's here with his coffee pot and his drawings, that _is _a possibility…"

"Set out the extra fire extinguisher and come on over to our house."

"I'll be there in ten!" She said, hanging up on me.

I smiled. "Well, I got you a baby sitter. Apparently I have an appointment with Maria Alvarez…"

Jasper groaned. "Oh, God, baby. I'm so sorry."

"Why? Is she a holy terror?"

Jasper nodded. "And she's all over me. All the time. It's like…well, you know how I have to come home and take a shower some days? It's because her skanky ass has been all over me."

I snorted. "Surely she isn't that bad…"

"Just you wait." He grumbled. "You'll see."

* * *

I checked my phone one more time before I put it back in my pocket. Miya had assured me she'd call me if anything was going on with Jasper. I blew out a breath as I stepped out into the now slight drizzle and walked toward the new offices of _Antique Chic_, Maria Alvarez' business. She refurbished antique clothing she found at estate sales and re-sold them to the big wigs of our fair city. All her things were beautiful.

I hadn't realized she was the one that owned it. It was run by her sister, Lettie, who, apparently, had a better personality for the public at large. Maria just funded the expedition, but as such, she wanted her offices to be perfect. Which was, after all, why she hired McCarty, Whitlock and McCarty. I smoothed down my jacket, fastening the buttons, and hurried into the building.

"Jasper, darling!" A voice called.

I turned to it and sensing how I needed to handle things, dipped down to kiss her cheek. Ugh. Jasper was right. She reeked of perfume. "Maria, a pleasure, as always, darlin."

She smiled up at me. "Jasper, you look more handsome ever time I see you."

I gave her a tentative smile. "You are radiant, as usual, Maria. Now, what is it you find displeasing?"

She went off into a tirade, touching me entirely too often and more and more inappropriately until finally, I said, "Maria. I am _married. _My wife is at home on bed rest right this minute and if you don't mind, I would appreciate you not touching me any more."

Her eyes darkened as she stopped and ran a jeweled fingernail up my chest. "Oh, Jasper. Let's us stop playing these games. You and I both know what you want from me. There is no reason to continue to play coy. You want me, I want you. And let's face it…if you really loved your wife, you would be there with her, not here with me…"

My mouth fell open as I realized, she was right. I did love my wife, er, my significant other. I should be there, not here. Jasper would have been. I stepped away from her, clenching her hand tightly until I saw a faint trace of pain on her face. If I was in my body…but I'm not, I reminded myself. So I nodded. "You're right, Maria. You're exactly right. I should be there and not here. Thank you for reaffirming where I needed to be."

I turned on my heel and hurried to the door. "Jasper Whitlock!" She shouted.

I turned once more to face her.

She stalked up to me. "You walk out that door and you can kiss my business goodbye." She said with a slight huff.

I smiled coldly. "You know, women like you make me so sad. The only thing you're good at is trying to steal other women's men."

Her hand came up and she slapped me. I could feel her nails sting my cheek and I felt certain she cut me. "Fuck you, Jasper! I can find men a dime a dozen."

"Then my suggestion to you is you go out and find one, because _this _man is taken." And with that, I stepped out into the downpour and headed back home. I may have lost M, W and M a client, but I'd painted _her _little red wagon.

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Jasper POV

After my second trip to the doctor in less than twenty four hours, a huge fight with Alice and my first foray into the sexual world as a woman, a few days of bed rest did not sound like such a bad thing. I mean honestly, lying in bed…how hard could it be?

Before Alice left to go meet Maria, who may I say is the devil incarnate, only in five inch stilettos, my wonderful wife ensconced me securely in bed with a stack of magazines, the remote, a nightstand full of healthy snacks, and even a little bell, like you see in the movies.

About fifteen minutes after Alice walked out I heard a tentative knock at the door. "Come on in, Miya. " I called.

She walked in, arms loaded down with files. "How are you feeling, Alice?"

"I'm alright. What'cha got there?"

"Well, I figured while I was here I might as well try and get some files in order. I'll just be in the other room if you need me, okay?"

"Sure, sure. It is sort of silly that Ali… I mean Jasper, made you come over here. It's not like I am an invalid or something."

She let out a little snort. "I don't mind. Besides we need to let that little bun stay in the oven and cook for as long as possible." She reached down and gave my burgeoning belly a little rub.

She walked from the room and I picked up a magazine from the stack. I flipped through the pages, not finding anything that caught my interest. So I moved to the remote and started clicking through the channels. Shit, nothing on but a bunch of soap operas and court TV.

I scooted over and began pawing through the snacks Alice had left for me to munch on. There was a bowl of grapes, some different types of crackers and a bag of mini rice cakes. I popped a few grapes in my mouth and then grabbed a handful of Cheese Nips. Unfortunately, she had forgotten about a drink.

"Ummm, Miya." I half heartedly called out. Man, this is awful, having to ask someone you to get you a drink when the kitchen is just down the stairs.

I raised my voice a little higher. "Miya."

A few seconds later, she was at the door.

"I'm sorry. Would you mind getting me a drink?"

"Not at all. What would you like?"

"I think we have a pitcher of tea. That would be nice."

"Sure. I'll be right back."

She came back in the room with a glass of tea and handed it to me.

I inadvertently wrinkled my nose.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"It's nothing. I just don't really like drinking out of plastic cups."

She took the cup back from me. "I should have known that. I'll be right back."

She left me pondering at that last remark. I mean, why would she know something like that?

She came back in with a mason jar filled with sweet tea. Alice hated me using them but they reminded me of my youth.

I took a sip and gave Miya a slight smile, setting the glass on the night stand.

"Is it okay?"

"Oh, it's fine. I just usually put some lemon in it."

She grabbed the glass a little more fervently then last time and left the room once more.

She returned and I gave her Alice's sweetest smile. "Thank you, Miya."

"You're welcome. Now if you don't need anything else, I am going to work on those files a bit more."

She had been gone no more than ten minutes when I noticed my glass of tea was forming a ring of condensation on the night stand. Fuck, Alice would kill me if I ruined another piece of furniture.

"Miya!"

She showed up at the door with more than a little exasperation showing on her face.

"Yes, Alice. What do you need now?"

"Would you get a coaster for my drink?"

The little sigh that escaped her lips was not lost on me, but she just turned without saying a word, returning directly with a coaster that she placed under my glass.

"Anything else?"

There was a touch of annoyance in her voice. Well shit, it is not like I enjoyed asking someone to wait on me. For some reason this just seriously pissed me off.

"No, I think that will be all…for now."

She gave a little hmpff and turned on her heel.

I picked up the remote and flipped through the channels, hoping to find a good western or documentary. Why in the fuck is it that we have eight hundred channels and not one thing to watch?

I threw down the remote in disgust. I reached over and grabbed my tea, spilling half of it down my shirt.

Shit, shit, shit!!!!!

"Miya!" I screamed.

No response.

"Miya!"

Still no response.

_Oh no she didn't._

I reached over and grabbed the little bell from the table and stared shaking that fucker like I was a Salvation Army worker the day before Christmas.

A good three minutes later she finally showed up at the bedroom door.

"What? What could not wait? I was in the bathroom." Miya snapped.

"I spilled my tea all over me."

She cocked one perfectly arched eyebrow at me and then gave me a smile that sent shivers down my spine.

"You poor baby. Here let's get you out of that shirt."

She grabbed the hem of the shirt I was wearing and swiftly pulled it over my head before I could object. Instinctively I covered my boobs.

"Please, honey. We are all equipped with the same goods. Now don't move. I'll be right back."

She exited the room and before I could get up from the bed to get a clean shirt she had returned with a large bowl, making a direct line for the adjoining bath.

"Ummm…Miya? Can you get me a clean shirt?"

I heard the water running and inwardly tried to shrink into the bed when I saw her return with a large basin of water and a wash cloth.

"What are you doing?"

"That tea has to be sticky, so I figured I would give you a quick sponge bath."

"I…uh…I don't think you need to…ya know…I can do it…"

"Nonsense. I am here to take care of you."

She dipped the cloth in to the warm water and started dabbing it against my skin. I honestly could not explain why I was having such a hard time. Possibly because I knew how Miya felt about me, but then again, I wasn't me, I was Alice. Maybe it was the fact that she seemed to be enjoying my discomfort a bit too much.

I pushed her hand away. "Thank you, Miya. Now would you get me a shirt?"

She walked to the dresser and pulled open a couple of drawers, finally finding one of my own under shirts. She lifted it to her nose, inhaling deeply.

"Mmm… you can almost still smell Jasper. You are so lucky to be married to such a fine piece of man meat, sweetie."

I shifted uncomfortably on the bed. I really did not want to hear Miya's thoughts on my uhh...man meat.

"You know, Miya, I am a little tired. Would you mind if I took a little nap?"

"Of course not. I'll just go and try and get a little more work done. Now if you need anything, anything at all, you make sure to just ring that little bell, because I am here to cater to your every need and whim."

I waited until she had left the room before I let her words sink in. Bitchy, she was being bitchy and more than a little condescending.

Well two can play at that game.

I waited until I figured she had just enough time to get settled into her work and then picked up that bell and started ringing it.

I held my laugh in when she appeared at the door.

"I'm not as tired as I thought, but I am hungry. Would you mind making me some lunch?"

She bit her lip but just smiled at me. "What would you like?"

"I think I would like a turkey sandwich on wheat with Swiss."

"Sure, anything else?"

"Maybe just some chips." She started out of the room.

"Oh and a pickle spear." I called to her retreating form.

She returned with my sandwich and I gave her a heartfelt thanks. Although I waited until she left the room and then began ringing the bell again.

She stormed the bed, stopping just inched from the side.

"Yes, Alice?"

"I forgot to tell you mayonnaise. Oh and would you be a dear and toast the bread?"

I watched her fist clench and then release and for a moment I wondered if she would hit a pregnant woman, but instead she grabbed the plate and stormed out the door.

She quickly returned practically throwing the plate into my lap.

"There you go. I added mayo, toasted the bread, removed the crust and cut it in half. Now do you need anything else?"

"No thanks. It looks perfect." I gave her a smile which she returned with a scowl and a nod of her head.

Two minutes later I had inhaled my sandwich and chips. I knew I shouldn't, really knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't help myself. I grabbed the little bell and started ringing it…again.

Miya walked calmly into the room and grabbed the bell from my hand.

"If you ring this bell one more time, Jasper Whitlock, I am going to take it and shove it straight up your ass. Do you understand me?"

Jasper, what the fuck? I know the shock was showing on my face as my mouth fell open.

"Yes. I know it is you, Jasper. And let me tell you I felt sorry for you at first. But you are being one uberbitch. You have been pregnant, what five days? Well mister, we women go through it for nine months. So if you think you have it so bad, you better just pull your head out of your ass and be thankful that this is a temporary situation. You could be having ….twins. And be scared about your job and what your husband is going to say and…" By this time she was on the verge of hyperventilating and tears were beginning to form in her eyes.

Wait a minute…

"Miya, are you pregnant?"

She let out a little sniffle.

"Yes. I'm…" She blew out a breath. "The doctor did an ultrasound last week to find out how far along I am and it is… twins."

"That is wonderful, Miya. But why are you so upset?"

"We are just getting the firm off the ground and I know I am going to have to be out for a while with the babies. I need my job, Jasper, now more than ever. Plus, how am I going to handle twins and work?"

I patted her hand, trying to offer her some reassurance. "Don't worry about work. You will always have a job, whether you need to take off two months or two years. Now why haven't you told Jon yet? I mean, he should be proud, knocking you up with not one but two babies."

She half sighed, half giggled as she rolled her eyes. "You fucking guys. You're so stupid. It was _my egg _that split! I'm doing all the work over here!" She did that little sigh/giggle/eye roll thing again. "And, yes, he knows we're pregnant I just haven't told him about the twins yet. It was such a shock, that I was trying to let it sink in before I started sharing the 'good news'."

"It is good news!" I said adamantly. "Babies are blessings and you have just been doubly blessed. Things will be fine. And I'm sorry about today. I just don't do so well being told that I have to do something. Not to mention all these pregnancy hormones are just in overdrive."

"I know how you feel. Now I brought some of my homemade banana pudding. I was going to tell you earlier before you went into full on bitch mode. However, I think now would be the right time for a big bowl of it and a glass of milk."

"Perfect. And Miya, did Alice tell you about the switch?"

"Nah, I have been around you enough to know that you would never dress the way she has been the last few days and never, ever would you be taking a trip to the spa with Leo."

"What the fuck? Did you just say she and Leo went to the spa?"

"Let me get the food and I'll tell you all about it."

It was only an hour later when Alice appeared at the bedroom door. Miya and I were both on the bed, laughing our asses off at some ridiculous article in Cosmo titled 'How to give your man a hundred nights of ecstasy'.

"Am I intruding?" She asked from the doorway.

"Nope, darling. Miya and I are just reading about the finer arts of fellatio. How did it go with Maria?"

She threw her jacket on the floor and flopped across the end of the bed.

"Not so good. I just couldn't handle listening to that fucking awful mouth of hers, so I walked. Don't be mad."

"Mad? I'm not mad. I'm glad one of us finally got the balls to do it."

"Amen, sista." Miya turned and gave me a high five. "Because the only one who gets to manhandle you besides your wife is me."

I let out a little snort. "So true, so true."

"I brought some eggplant parmesan from Maggiano's. There is plenty if you want to stay and have some, Miya."

"No, I think I better get home. I have some important news to tell Jon."

"She is pregnant, Alice…with twins!" I said eagerly.

"That _is_ wonderful. Let me package up part of the eggplant so you don't have to worry about dinner tonight. And I guess form what you just called me, she knows we are switched."

"Yep. Now hurry and get done so you can come snuggle with me. Bella called and is going to let Reagan spend the night."

"I talked to her as well. I have cleared my schedule through your next doctor appointment and we'll go from there. Plus everyone is going to come over tomorrow night for pizza and help get the nursery ready. I figured you could just rest on the couch and let everyone else do the work."

"That sounds great."

It was later that night and Alice and I were curled up in bed sharing a bowl of strawberries with whipped cream. We had kissed and cuddled all night, and for the first time in several days, I wasn't as worried about what the next day would bring.

"I love you, Alice."

"And I love you too, Jazzy. " She leaned in close and rested her forehead against mine. We were so close we could almost share our breath. I peppered her, or should I say my, face with kisses until she was arching her body into mine.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Jazz?" Her breath was becoming slightly shallow.

"Did you have my eyebrows waxed?"


	8. Friday, Part One

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. 'Nuff said. Actually, fiberkitty said we needed to state that we are NOT SM because we kick ass, so, no, we are NOT Stephenie Meyer. If we were, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than **_**Renesmee **_

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AN: Go me! I managed to post it halfway early! Whoot! More AN at the bottom...

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Alice POV

I grumbled as I made my way back into the house. Jasper was apparently in his 'nesting' mode, and since he couldn't do anything, I was stuck doing the cleaning. It was three in the afternoon. So far, I'd cleaned the house from top to bottom, cleaned out the garage, (don't think I wouldn't be having words with him about THIS once we switched back), I'd cleaned the kitchen and had returned with Jasper's lunch, whole wheat toast, grilled turkey and cheese _with _mayo, carrots and broccoli on it, a side of peaches, and some cottage cheese. As I sat down to enjoy my own sandwich next to him, he asked me if I'd moved out the refrigerator and cleaned under and behind it. I had glared at him, he'd teared up, I'd felt like an ass, got up, and moved the fucking refrigerator.

Being a man was tough. This sucked ass. Completely. I was home for the day, getting things ready for tonight. Everyone was coming over for pizza and we were finishing up the nursery. I couldn't imagine what the next few weeks might bring. At least I knew that we'd have to change back at some point in time. I couldn't…I couldn't be a man forever, could I? No, that wouldn't happen. I'd be me, Jazzy would be himself, all of this would get worked out. The grass _isn't _greener on the other side. I _wanted_ all the horrors of being a girl. I wanted, no, I _needed _Jazzy back in his body.

"Okay, kids, go play for a little while, just don't disturb Alice, okay?" I said as I dumped off all the backpacks on the entryway floor.

"Kay, Uncle Jazzy!" They said as they ran off. I agreed to pick up Hope, Faith and Anthony as well as Reagan from school. Everyone was coming over here anyway. This worked. And…I could rule them with the iron fist of Aunt Alice, even if I was still stuck in Jasper's body.

The rest of the day passed easily enough. Emmett and Rosalie arrived looking a bit flushed and it didn't take a rocket scientist to see that they'd enjoyed their few minutes of privacy before coming over. "Hey, somebody order some pizzas?" Emmett asked with a grin.

A chorus of "Daddy!" and "Uncle Em!" permeated the air and he was accosted by four small bodies. I grinned as he said, "Ooof! Guys! Cool it…Come on. I got lots of food for ya. Get your tushies to the bathroom, wash up and it'll be on plates for ya."

I smiled. Since his time in Rose's body, Emmett had been a lot more 'mothering' to the kids while still being the adorable goofball we know and love. I got him in the kitchen working on the food and sent Rosalie up to see if Jazzy needed anything.

I was pouring the milk into disposable sippy cups when I heard, "No, Edward. I don't want to talk about it anymore!"

"But…Bella…love, surely you must see…"

"I _do,_" She said, and I shivered at the ice in her voice. "I see it _all _too clearly. But until you get your head out of your ass about it, I'm not speaking to you."

My eyebrow rose at Em, who shrugged. Edward walked in a few minutes later. He was running his hand through his hair. "Hey," He said sadly.

I tossed him a beer from the fridge. I still didn't really know how to do this whole guy thing, but I was trying. "So…she's pissed at ya. How far up your ass _is _your head?"

He looked at me and a ghost of a smile crossed his face. "Fuck you, Jasper."

"Love ya too, man. So, whatever did you do to piss her off?" I'm nosy. It's an Alice thing. I always wanted to keep everyone happy and the only way to do that was to find out what was going on.

He shook his head. "Some things should stay between a man and his wife, Jazz."

I nodded. I'd get it out of Bella once she and I had a few minutes alone with her anyway.

He sighed. "It's just…"

Wow. Edward was sharing? Odd. My eyes caught Emmett's and I begged him with a look not to screw this up. It seemed as though Edward needed to get something off of his chest.

"Just what, Ed?" Emmett asked, sounding oddly caring.

Edward sighed again. "It's just…okay, this stays here, right?"

Emmett and I both nodded. Edward blew out a breath. "Bella and I…we see things differently."

I snorted. "No shit, Sherlock. Ya think?"

He glared at me. "Can we be serious for a minute?"

Clearly I was channeling Emmett instead of Jasper. "Okay." I agreed. I really wanted to know what bug crawled up his ass. "What's up?"

"Bella…has…she's…I don't know. She wants to…"

Emmett and I hung onto his every word.

He blew out a breath. "You know what? I'm sorry. I can't talk about this with you guys."

Emmett and I looked at one another again. This time Emmett spoke up. "You know you can tell us anything dude, not to sound like the pussy parade here, but we _can _listen without acting like total douches ya know."

Edward snorted. "I don't think you can, Em, but thanks all the same."

I picked up the cups and walked past him. "You know that we're here for you, right?" He looked…almost sad in that moment. I yearned to reach my hand out, to brush the hair away from his face, like I'd done so many times. Not many people realized how deep a connection Edward and I have. Sure, I irritated him more often than not, but he and I just _got _each other. It was weird. But I knew that any chance of comforting him in this body wouldn't be a possibility, so I just continued on my way to the small table we'd set up for the kids to eat on.

I walked up the stairs next and brought Jasper down to the living room. He didn't like me fussing over him, but being that he was in my body, he kind of had to just go along with how I would act.

We all sat around the living room pigging out on pizza. It was a lot of fun, actually we were having a blast when all of a sudden, the kids ran in. "It's snowing! It's snowing!"

Snowing? What the…? It's April now, if only just. How can it be snowing? "Was it supposed to snow?" I asked.

Everyone, save Jasper, rolled their eyes at me. "Where have you been? The chance of a freak winter storm has been all over the news."

I sighed. "Well, excuse me for being out of the friggin' loop." I said huffily. "But…snow?"

"Yeah," Emmett said. "They talked like it would be an inch or two, no biggie."

I shrugged. Great…another thing I'd have to do, shovel the walk tomorrow. Jasper suddenly took off the blanket I'd thrown over him. "It's like an oven in here. Could you turn down the heat? I'm burning up."

I looked at him and he did look a little red-faced. "Sure, babe." I said, getting up from where I sat at his feet. I went and readjusted the thermostat, turning it down another notch. He'd been hot all day. I was freezing cold. But then, I always was. He was the one that was hot natured. I liked to be snuggled under blankets. He couldn't sleep with more than just a sheet on him.

We sat and talked a little bit more, just enjoying the six of us, which it seemed like we hadn't been able to do in forever. Jasper was relaxed, and for once, not worried about the pregnancy or how close he would come to having the baby. We didn't worry about how or when we'd switch, we just…had fun. It started getting a bit late, and I told everyone to just put the kids down here, that they could all sleep here and give each couple a little time to themselves when they got ready to leave. I noticed Emmett and Rosalie very excited by the prospect. Bella and Edward, however, were still dancing on eggshells around each other.

We got the kids ready and settled down. Emmett, clearly remembering the 'doctor' incident wasn't thrilled that Anthony would be sleeping on the floor in the room with the girls as they all piled on the bed, but I reminded him of how young they were. They'd be fine. He had looked unsure, but I'd just rolled my eyes at him and smiled.

Once they were situated, we moved Jasper back upstairs and sat him in the glider in the nursery while we all started assembling the pieces I'd taken down from storage. Edward and Emmett put the crib together while I helped Bella and Rosalie with hanging the clothes away in the closet and filling the large cabinet with the boxes of diapers and the like from the pile that sat on the floor. I had a nice haul.

We then started washing some of Reagan's things that I'd brought in from storage as well. Onesies, woo-woos… (What she called cloth diapers, even to this day, she slept with her woo-woo). The room looked homey and welcoming to a baby as I hung the last curtain in place. I looked out the window and caught sight of the yard from the lamplight by the end of the driveway. "Wow…that looks like more than an inch or two." I commented. Honestly, in the hours since everyone had arrived, I had forgotten about the weather outside. It was now closing in on midnight. We needed to get everyone out and home, and Jasper needed to go to bed.

Edward came over and his eyes grew wide. "That looks closer to a foot out there. And it's still snowing."

My mouth fell open. "But…you don't mean…"

He shrugged. "It's a lot of snow."

"Well, everyone can just stay here." Jasper said.

I blinked and looked at him. "Y-yes, of course. We probably need to get everyone to bed anyway."

Jasper nodded and stifled a yawn. Then, he grimaced. "Are you okay?" I asked, dashing over to him.

He nodded. "Yeah, kid's just using my bladder as a punching bag and my ribs a kickboxing dummy."

I smiled and kissed him. "I love you, babe."

He shot me a small grin. "Love ya too." I picked him up and said, "Rosalie, Bella, you guys can sleep with this one on the king sized bed. I'm sure the rest of us can make do."

Emmett groaned. Couches were normally too short for him. "You can have the recliner, Em. Just because I'm that nice."

He snorted. "Thanks, Jazz. You're too kind."

"I know." I replied. I turned to Edward, "Edward, you can have the couch."

"What about you?" He asked.

I smiled at the person in my arms. "I'm sleeping on the floor in case you need me during the night, okay?"

"A-Jasper, that's unnecessary…"

I shook my head. "Nope, not gonna happen."

"So, you expect us to let you sleep in the same room with our two wives?" Edward defended immediately.

Emmett snorted. He knew I wouldn't want to do that with them, even if Jasper wouldn't be right there. I wasn't a lesbian.

"But, you're a man…you'll have three women in the room with you…" Edward continued.

"Yeah, Edward. Because I want to fuck all three of them at the same time!" I snapped at him. "Come on! You think I'd do that to ALICE? What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

He looked taken aback and blinked. "Sorry, Jasper…I just…"

Bella smiled at me. "Oh, I think Jasper's a gentleman. Most of the time."

To my surprise, Jasper blushed. I looked at him confused, but he just shut his eyes and blew out a breath. He was trying to hold in giggles, I think. But then he said, "Oh, Jasper only lets you _think _he's a gentleman."

"I know." Bella said, blushing a little bit too. What the hell am I missing? He must have told her things he did before he moved here. The two of them were really close, like brother and sister. I know that they spent a lot of time together in college before he and I met, they told me that.

I grinned. "Yeah, well, I think these ladies need to get to bed. Will it bother you lovely girls if I sleep on the floor?"

Rosalie, who knew how to flirt, even though she knew I was Alice, and to get under Edward's skin, said, "Why, Jasper, this bed is so big…I don't see why you couldn't just sleep in it _with _us."

Edward's eyes grew all the rounder. I held in the snort, just barely, but I said, "No, I think I'll just sleep right on the floor. I'll just dash downstairs and grab the sleeping bag from the garage, okay?"

I deposited Jasper down onto the bed and hurried down to get the sleeping bag. I hurried back upstairs and smiled at him as I laid it down to his side of the bed. Edward and Emmett had gone on back downstairs. "You guys are so mean to Edward, keeping him out of the loop."

"The way he's acting, he's lucky I'm not making him sleep in the fucking _car,_" Bella stated.

Rosalie and I looked at one another and she said, "Oh, honey, is it that bad?"

Bella sniffed and said, "You know, I really don't want to talk about it, okay? I'm tired."

"Oh-okay." Rosalie said.

I couldn't quite hold in a yawn as I said, "See you ladies in the morning."

Rosalie giggled. "Goodnight, bitches. You too, Jasper."

"Goodnight, Rosalie." He said.

I drifted off, my body tired from the amount of stuff I'd done today. I was so asleep, it took me a few minutes for me to hear the small, "Alice," As Jasper woke me.

I turned over to look up at him. "Yeah?"

"I need to pee." He said sadly. I smiled. He couldn't quite manage the getting up out of bed on his own now that his stomach had grown.

I rolled out of the sleeping bag, my back hurting like a bitch and got to my feet slowly. "Jasper, baby, I love you, but you're body's getting too old to be lying on the hard floor."

"Well, hopefully this won't be reoccurring issue." He said with a grin. "And I'm young enough to fuck your brains out on that floor, sugar."

I grinned, thinking of the rug burns we'd both gotten. I shivered and that cock between my legs lifted hopefully. He shook his head. "Horn dog."

"It's your body." I hissed. I helped him to the bathroom and stood just outside the door while he tinkled. When he finished, I helped him back to the bed and he just sat there.

"Could you get me a drink of water?" He asked me quietly.

I nodded with a small smile and went downstairs to grab him a glass. I put some ice and some water from the refrigerator into a mason jar, being careful not to waken the snoring men in the next room. I took the glass back up to my husband and said, "Here you go. I think I'm going to grab me some ibuprofen, okay? Maybe I can make it through the rest of the night on the floor."

"You could dump the girls off onto the floor and sleep in Regan's bed." He told me.

I shook my head. "I can do this, Jazzy. It's fine." I looked over at the two women sleeping next to him. "You haven't been copping a feel over there, have you?"

He snorted. "I feel like a beached whale, Alice. Trust me. My mind is _not _on ways of how to feel up Bella."

I looked at her. Even in sleep her face was pinched. "She might appreciate it. I have a feeling Edward's not…satisfying her in that area."

Jasper's hands clamped over his ears. "I do _not _need to hear that shit about one of my guy friends, Alice."

I giggled. "Fine. I'll be right back, okay?"

He nodded and took another sip of his water. I walked into the bathroom and opened the cabinet door. Even though I could barely reach it with my short legs, we kept the meds in the top cabinet in a basket. That way Reagan couldn't reach it. I pulled down the basket, leaving the door open. I found what I was looking for and quickly grabbed up a handful of water from the tap. I had just downed my pills when I heard Jasper say, "Oh, shit. Alice! I didn't…I couldn't…I peed!"

My brows furrowed. Didn't he just go to the bathroom?

Just then I heard Bella's panicked voice. "Jasper! You didn't just pee! Your fucking water broke!"

"What?!" I screamed and ran out of the bathroom. However…in my haste…I failed to remember two things. One, the fact that I had left the cabinet door open, and the other, that I wasn't four foot eleven. I hit the cabinet and it snapped my head back. The last thing I remembered was the back of my head hitting the tile floor with a resounding _crack._

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_**AN2: So...do you want to know what happens to Jazzy? Well, see, we have a prediciment. We REALLY wanna get to 300 reviews and also, twilightmom, who writes JPOV has been having a really hard week. So, we're holding his POV ransom until we get 300 reviews. If you lovely readers give us that, we'll try to have it posted by Monday evening, but before Friday, for sure! So, please, give us the love, eh? **

**Don't forget the Pirate Talking Contest! Go to our story, "The Matchmaker and the Mix-Ups" to find out more. Read them, write them, show those girls some love over on the c2!**


	9. Friday, Part Two

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. 'Nuff said. Actually, fiberkitty said we needed to state that we are NOT SM because we kick ass, so, no, we are NOT Stephenie Meyer. If we were, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than **_**Renesmee **_

**AN: So…after the epic fail of FF Document manager, I finally manage to post this. First off...you guys ROCK! How quickly we got to 300! We're honored! So, here you go! Hot off the presses! Only the epilogue after this (we think). Wonder what will happen?**

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Jasper POV

I felt the warm liquid flowing from between my legs. No way did I just wet myself, especially not in a bed full of hot women. Still what other explanation could there be besides the fact that the next Miya Hamm had decided my bladder was a soccer ball and kicked the piss right out of me.

I sat up in the bed, trying to be discreet as possible, though not an easy feat in my own self made swimming pool.

"Oh, shit. Alice! I didn't…I couldn't…I peed!" I called towards the bathroom. At least if I had to be embarrassed it would be in front of the girls and not Emmett.

There is no way he would ever let me live it down.

The bed shifted as Bella looked over at me. "Jasper! You didn't just pee! Your fucking water broke!"

_Okay, the Hawaiian, barbeque chicken pizza with extra jalapeños has fried my brain because I think Bella just said something about water and breaking and… oh shit!_

"Excuse me; did you just say my water broke?" I asked a more than nervous Bella.

Before she could answer we heard a loud thump come from the bathroom, followed by a sickening crack. Bella jumped from where she was sitting, all but leaping over me to reach the bathroom as I struggled to heave myself from my spot.

"Alice, oh God…Alice. EDWARD!!!!" Bella screamed just as I crossed the threshold. There on the floor was my body.

A few seconds later, Edward and Emmett both made it through to the bathroom. Edward knelt down, checking vitals and examining the knots on my body's still form.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. We just heard a bang and then a crash and this is how we found him." Bella answered.

He looked up at the open medicine cabinet. "Well it looks like he might have hit his head on the cabinet door and then again when he hit the floor. There is no blood, but we ought to get him to the hospital for a CT scan. It feels like he has quite the knot. Emmett, help me get him to the bed and then we can go warm up your Jeep and drive him to the hospital.

Carefully they lifted my body and placed it on the bed. I noticed Emmett eyeing my spot on the bed as he turned to me with a shit eating grin.

"Have an accident there, Ali-kins?"

Just as I was about to knock that look off his face, a sharp pain flooded across my lower abdomen and back as I doubled over in pain.

"Owwwwwwww!!!!!!!"

Edward, Bella and Rose were at my side in a flash as Emmett looked on dumbfounded. As soon as the pain subsided, I lifted my head, giving him a look that would freeze ice on a summer day.

"No, dipshit! My water broke. I think…I think I am going to have this baby."

He stood there for a second and then passed out.

"What in the fuck is wrong with the men in this house?" I screamed. "Someone get me to a fucking hospital!"

That sent everyone into over drive. Bella started rummaging around in the drawers, pulling out different items, Rose knelt over Emmett, gently trying to shake him awake, as Edward left to go find Em's keys and get the truck started.

"Jazz, what do you think…I mean…I'm not sure what Alice would want to take…?" Bella had tears in her eyes and I could tell Rose was on the verge as well.

"There is a suitcase already packed in the closet. Grab that. Anything else we can get later if we need…" My voice trailed off as another contraction hit.

_Motherfuckinasswipecocksuker...Holy shit I am dying!!!_

I had just come off another contraction when Edward appeared at the doorway.

"You guys are not going to believe this but there is like two feet of snow out there. I flipped on the TV and they said the roads are impassible. So… I put a call into the hospital for an ambulance but they are not sure when or if they will be able to get here."

"Well we better find a way to get there because…because…" I wanted to cry but instead my survival instinct kicked into gear.

"Okay, first we need to make sure Jasper is alright. I think it may be best to move him to the guest room. Next, check on the kids. I would like to keep them out of this as much as possible and finally, Edward dig into that medical bag of yours and give me something to stop this baby from coming."

Edward crossed the room and began to examine my body as Bella and headed down towards Reagan's door.

"Jazz, Jazz man can you hear me?"

I watched with relief as Alice's…my…fuck, whatever eyes fluttered open and a groan slipped from my lips.

"Jasper, you hit your head. We are going to move you somewhere quiet to rest."

"Where is Jasper? Water…breaking…."His voice slowly trailed off as his eyes closed again.

I swiveled to see Emmett finally regaining his senses as he lumbered to the bed. He and Edward gently hoisted my body as Edward gave instructions to Emmett and Rose.

"Let him rest, but every so often gently wake him up. You might try and ask some basic memory questions, but don't be alarmed if he gets them wrong. He was asking for Jasper so he is probably confused and dazed. You might also want to get a wastebasket if he gets sick."

I watched them leave the room as Bella returned with clean sheets from the linen closet.

"The kids are fine, sound asleep. I am going to change the sheets. Why don't you go get cleaned up."

I wrapped my arms around her just another contraction hit. Silently she stroked my hair as I bit down on my lip, trying not to scream.

I looked up into her warm brown eyes and felt a tiny bit of peace.

"Thanks, Bells. You always did know how to take care of me."

"You're welcome, Jazz. And you always knew how to take care of me. Do you ever wonder what would have happened, ya know, if we had had more time together?" I looked at her soft lips, remembering the kisses we use to share.

"Sometimes. You know how much you mean to me, right?" She silently nodded her head.

A small part of me wanted to pull her lips to mine. We had history, major history. Things that only she and I knew about. I would always love her, But Alice was my soul mate and I knew that no matter what was going on between Edward and Bella it was the same way with them.

Edward walked back into the room as Bella released me. He sent her a silent message with his eyes as I made my way to the bathroom.

Quickly I stripped and took a fast shower, the hot water making my body feel a tiny bit better but doing nothing to help the intensity of the contraction that hit me while I was washing.

I slipped on a night shirt and a pair of pajama bottoms and padded back into the bedroom. The room was empty except for Edward

"Okay, Alice. Here is the deal. I don't have anything that can stop your contractions and I don't think there is any way we will be able to get you to the hospital. So I need you to take off your bottoms, climb in the bed and let me take a peek and see what is going on down there."

"The fuck you will." I growled.

"This is what I do for a living. Now get your ass in that bed. Besides it is not like I haven't seen it before."

_Excuse me?_

"And what exactly does that mean?" I hollered.

"Shit, Alice. Do you want to have the entire house in here so we can explain that we had one sex filled week in Cancun, senior trip? We agreed that with all of us somehow winding up as friends it would be best to keep it to ourselves." He hissed.

Edward, Alice…sex.

_Motherfucker! _

I launched myself at his neck, as my tiny hands wrapped around his throat.

"You fucking manwhore! I am going to kill you"

Another contraction hit as I released my grip from his neck, instead grabbing on to his arms to support my weight.

He waited until the pain had subsided and then scooped me up into his arms, gently placing me on the clean sheets.

"I know, Alice. I made some major mistakes in my past, but all that changed with Bella. I changed, she changed me. She taught me love." His eyes closed as his hands ran through his mop of bronze hair.

"She has that effect on people doesn't she?" I asked just as we heard a tentative knock on the door.

Bella stuck her head in and I could feel the love radiate from Edward.

"Everything okay in here?"

"Love, I need to examine Alice, but with Jasper out cold, maybe she would be more comfortable if you were in here with her."

She looked at me and I gave a nod. Quickly she climbed into the bed beside me and grasped my hand.

Edward pulled doff the pajama bottoms and I instinctively snapped my knees together.

"Alice…I have to look."

Bella gave my hand a reassuring squeeze as I unlocked the vice grip of my legs.

Without warning, he slipped a couple of fingers inside of me and I had the strong desire to raise my foot and kick his teeth in, but just as quickly, they were gone.

He grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom as Bella covered my lower half with a sheet.

"You are at nine centimeters and ninety percent effaced, so I think we need to all prepare ourselves for the fact that this baby is coming tonight."

I know I paled as Bella asked me if I was going to be sick. Baby…I was going to have a baby.

"Alice…Alice listen to me. You are going to be fine and so is the baby. Women have been giving birth outside of hospitals since the beginning of time. Plus you have an obstetrician here to help you through. Now we need to get some sheets or towels and…"

I tried to listen to what he was saying but I couldn't concentrate. I was going to give birth. I was going to bring my daughter into this world. The realization hit and I snapped back to my senses.

"Bells, you know where we keep everything. Edward, I give you free access to my hoo-ha…For now! Tell Rose and Emmett to take care of Jasper. I've got a baby to deliver."

There was a flurry of activity as everyone started in on their respective tasks. Another contraction hit, stronger than the last as I gritted my teeth against the pain.

I could do this. Women did it every day all over the world. I could do this.

* * *

It was almost two hours later and I was covered in sweat, screaming at the top of my lungs

"I can't do this! Oh God, please! I can't."

"Yes you can. The contraction should be just about over." Edward said looking at his watch.

Another few seconds of pain and then it subsided. I let out a long breath as Rose wiped a cool cloth across my forehead.

I looked at Bella and Rose on each side of me and gave them a weak smile.

"You ladies have no idea the amount of respect I have for you right now."

"Ditto, babe." Rose said smoothing the hair from my forehead.

"I am going to go check on Jasper. Be back in a minute." Edward said as he lifted the sheet, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Edward, would you mind asking Emmett to come in here for a minute?" I asked.

He shot me a confused look but just nodded his head as he left the room.

"Do you need anything?" Rose and Bella asked in unison. God help me how I loved them right now.

"I would like something to drink, or at least some ice. And maybe we should check on the kids again. I know I have been screaming like a banshee."

"I'll get some crushed ice while you check on the kids, Rose." Bella said climbing from the bed.

Rose and Bella passed Emmett as he was coming in the door. Rose laid a gentle kiss on his cheek as he gave her belly rub. He stopped short of the bed and I could swear he was trembling. I gestured him over, patting the bed beside me.

"Come on man, I'm in labor…not dying."

He slowly walked over and sat beside me.

"Man, Jazz. You okay? This is just all kinds of fucked up."

"I'm alright. Hurts like a bitch though."

"What…what does it feel like?"

"Hard to explain. Pain…lots of pain."

"I'm really sorry, Jasper. I didn't think…you know, I had no idea that this…" he said gesturing to my sheet covered body, "would happen."

"That's our problem, dude. Men, as a species, we just don't think sometimes."

I felt another contraction start and I grabbed his hand. A look of pure terror crossed his face as the pain shot through me.

"Holy shit! Fuuuuuuuck!" I screamed while I squeezed his hand with all my might.

Emmett looked like he was going to either be sick or pass out again, so I let go of his hands and grabbed two fistfuls of his shirt, dragging him down so he was just inches from my face.

"Don't you dare pass out, dickhead. Get a look…get a good long look and remember." I screamed.

Finally the pain subsided as I released his shirt and he fell off the bed. I shot him a smirk.

"After this is all said and done, I would be careful what I eat or drink, Emmie. Paybacks a bitch."

He paled as he scooted on his ass towards the door.

"You wouldn't." He whispered.

"No asshole, I wouldn't. But that little herb can come in handy. You better remember that. Now come over here a minute."

He eyed me warily but still crawled back over to my side.

"Lift up the sheet and tell me what you see. That last contraction was a doozy and I feel funny."

"Ummm...Jazz, not a good idea man. I mean…you don't want me looking at…"

"Listen, Alice told me about your little one night encounter. It's all good. Now Edward…shit the three of us are going to have to have some guy time when I get back to my body. Just do me a favor, lift up the sheet and tell me if anything looks strange."

"You're kidding right? What about this is not strange?" Still he lifted the sheet, peaking through one squinted eye.

"Oh man! Edward!!!! I see hair…I mean a head!!!" He screamed, tearing out the door.

Seconds later, everyone was hovering around the bed, well except for Emmett who was looking at me like an alien was in bed with me. Edward lifted the sheet, then slowly lowered it.

"It's time." He said. I looked at each person in turn and then Emmett hit the floor…again.

"Fucking shit, Rose. Do something about your man." I snapped.

She went over and not so gently smacked him across the face. She whispered something in his ear to which he just nodded and then crawled down the hall.

"Okay, he is going to sit with Al…Jasper while we do this. So Doctor Cullen what do we need to do?"

The bedroom became a hotbed of activity as Edward started barking out orders. I was helpless to do anything as the pain became more intense and constant.

The next thing I knew, Bella and Edward were at my feet, legs spread apart, with Rose at my head.

"Alice, when I tell you, I want you to push .Use the muscles around your bottom and just bear down as hard as you can. Ready…go."

I grabbed Rose's hand and pushed with all my might.

"Ugggggggg. Shit, shit, shit!!!!"

"Okay stop. Now breathe. Come on Alice, you can do this." Edward coached.

I looked at Rose and then Bella wide eyed. They both had tears forming in their eyes.

"You can do this, Jazz." Rose whispered.

"Okay, Ali. Here we go again. Push."

I bore down, feeling like I was splitting in two pieces.

"That's a girl. Push." Edward commanded.

"Fuck you, Edward. I fucking hate you." I screamed as he just gave me that crooked smile.

I tried to concentrate and breathe the way we had learned about in Lamaze class, but fuck it hurt so badly.

"Here we go again. One, two…push."

"Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"

"Bella, hand me that bulb syringe."

I heard a slight sucking noise, and then a loud wail.

Baby…my baby.

"Good job. The head is out, just a few more pushes."

Another pain hit as I started to push. The next minute was a blur of pain and tears as I struggled to do exactly what Edward was telling me. I heard the silent sobs coming from both Rose and Bella and I had never wanted Alice so badly.

With one last push and a scream towards the sky, I felt the pressure release.

"You did it, Alice. You did it." Edward cooed.

I threw my sweaty head back against the pillow as Rose kissed my hand.

"One more push to get the placenta out." Edward said. I heard him talking softly to Bella about cleaning and such.

There was rustling at the end of the bed and then Bella was standing beside me a tiny bundle in her hands.

"Beautiful," Was all she could say.

She passed me the tiny form and I gazed with amazement into the beautiful eyes of my daughter.

"She is unbelievable." I cried.

Edward popped his head up from between my legs. "Actually…"

I shot him a confused look.

Slowly, Rose leaned over and unwrapped the blanket from the tiny baby. I looked in amazement at the tiny fingers, the smooth skin…the…?

_What the fuck?_

A penis…a tiny little schlong.

A boy…a boy. I have a son.

"Surprise." Rose said. She was crying, Bella was crying, Edward...well Edward just looked like one smug bastard. But I would let it go, considering he helped deliver this amazing creature safe and sound.

"Ummm…Edward, can I have a minute?"

"Sure. I'm going to check on Jazz and then call the hospital. The baby is small but is breathing fine on his own. However, I would like to get you both to the hospital as soon as possible-just to be safe."

I waited until he left the room and then turned to the women flanking me.

"You knew…you all knew?"

"Yep. Alice wanted it to be a surprise. She knew how much you wanted a boy." Bella said kissing the baby's tiny fingertips.

"That's what was in the present Bella and I got for you at the shower. It is full of boy clothes and toys." Rose said stroking the baby's cheek.

"You guys are just unbelievable. Alice… my sweet Alice…" I trailed off as the tears started flowing down my cheeks.

Suddenly Emmett arrived at the door, trailed by Edward.

"Dude, you did it! And a boy no less… you are the shiznit!" Emmett said striding over giving me a high five.

"Well, the salt trucks are out, and the snow has stopped, so we should be able to get you to the hospital in the morning." Edward stated as he pried the baby from my grip, slowly laying it down at the end of the bed to examine him.

"Do you have a name yet?" Edward asked as he cradled the baby, softly humming. I looked over at Bella and she had tears in her eyes, watching the exchange.

"Not yet. We never discussed boy's names. I guess I'll just have to wait until Al…Jasper feels better."

I took the baby back in my arms, as he let out a small wail. Gently, I placed my pinky in his mouth as he greedily sucked.

"I think someone is hungry. Boys, why don't you leave us alone for a bit?" Rose said as he stood up, ushering them out of the room.

As soon as they had left, she and Bella climbed back up on the bed. Rose took the baby from my arms as Bella tugged the nightshirt I was wearing over my head. Quickly, she replaced it with a button front that was left most of the way open.

Rose handed the baby back as they both scooted close.

"Now, pull out your breast and just offer him the nipple. Sort of run his mouth along it and see if he will latch on to it.

I did as she instructed and the next thing I knew his tiny lips were sucking furiously.

"What do you know? He is a boobie man already." I said gazing down at my son.

"Just like his Uncle Em!" Bella and Rose said together, all of us dissolving into another round of giggles.

Twenty minutes later, my baby was sound asleep and I was fast on my way to joining him. Bella lifted him from my embrace. I inadvertently whined at the loss of contact.

"No worries, just rest. He is so beautiful, Jasper." I watched as a single tear fell down her cheek.

"I want this again." She whispered.

I moved to pull her down towards the bed, but she backed away.

"Really, I'm fine. You need to rest. Hopefully by the time you wake up we can get you to the hospital. Plus, I heard Edward say Alice was coming around. Bu the time you wake up, everything should be right as rain."

"Bells…" I pleaded.

"Not now, alright?" She turned away, singing softly under her breath. The tune, I remembered…she had sung it to me once, a long time ago.

Quickly, I drifted into an exhausted sleep consumed with thoughts of my son.

**

* * *

**

AN2: Hmm…do you think Alice and Jasper will EVER change back? And what is UP with Edward and Bella? Guess we'll just have to wait and see!

**The epilogue will be up on Friday. Don't forget to show us some love! Twilightmom has some whacked-out issues going on 'round her house, and she needs the lovin! **


	10. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. 'Nuff said. Actually, fiberkitty said we needed to state that we are NOT SM because we kick ass, so, no, we are NOT Stephenie Meyer. If we were, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than **_**Renesmee **_

**Preggers and Proud: A Jasper/Alice story**

**AN: We told you we wouldn't make you wait.**

* * *

**Alice POV**

My whole body ached. Wait. Why was that? Suddenly, everything came crashing back to me. "Jazz!" I shouted, sitting up.

"Shhh," He said, leaning over me. "You'll wake the baby."

"I…what?" I looked down, and, "Jazz! We're back!" I looked at my arms, my body…it was me. And Jazz…

He grinned. He was so beautiful back in his body. I pulled him to me for a searing kiss before I winced. "Ouch. What happened? Why does my body feel like it went through world war three?"

"Because you had a baby?" He asked softly.

"I…" And then it hit me. I'd remembered hitting my head, but then, nothing. "Jazzy…you had to…"

He winced. "I'd like this to go down in history as the one thing we never discuss again. I'm still exhausted."

"How did we get back?" I asked.

He shrugged. "After…" He swallowed hard. "The birth, I fell asleep. You were still unconscious. The next thing I knew, I woke up and Emmett was leaning over me. That's a scary mug to look at upon first waking."

I giggled and my eyes grew wide. "So, you really had to…?"

He shivered. "Ali, please, let's…let's not go there, okay?"

I nodded and bit my lip.

"Would you like to meet your son?" He asked me softly.

"Jazz…"

He smiled. "That was one of the best surprises you could have given me, Ali. Granted, I wish I wouldn't have been the one…" He paled and turned a little green. "But that's neither here nor there." He walked over to the small bassinet in the corner of the room and scooped up our tiny baby. "We need to name him."

I nodded. "I know."

"I was thinking we could name him after your dad…since…well…you know…"

A few tears fell from my eyes at the thoughts of my dad. We all knew he wasn't much longer for this world, and Jasper had demanded that, even though we were going to have a new baby in the house, that my dad lives out his last days with us. I couldn't have been happier about it. "You want to name him Roy?"

Jasper grinned. "Well…I was kind of thinking of naming him ' Troy ' which is similar to Roy …"

"And the name of that football guy that was on your team, right?" I asked as I fingered the baby's soft curls. He was beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

"You know about Troy Aikman?" He asked me, sounding surprised.

I shrugged. "He was the one that dated Faith Hill before she hooked up with Tim McGraw, right?"

He rolled his eyes. "Naturally, you'd remember that. Yes, that's the one."

I smiled. "Well, he was hot, so, I guess that will work." I looked at the baby once more. "What do you say? Troy Jasper Whitlock? It has a nice ring to it."

Jasper chuckled. "Okay then, Troy . You've got some big shoes to fill then, don't you?"

"My baby boy is _not _going to be a football player." I said adamantly. "He'll be a doctor, like Uncle Edward, won't you, Troy ?"

Jasper's eyebrow lifted. "Speaking of Uncle Edward…care to tell me about Cancun ?"

My eyes widened. "I'm sure I have no idea…"

He held up his hand. "Ali…don't even start that shit. He spilled part of the beans."

Damn. But I grinned at Jasper, putting on the puppy dog look. "I don't suppose you'd wait and let me tell you that another day, would you? I have just had your child, you know…"

"_I _was the one that birthed that kid, Ali, and don't think I won't remember it until the day I die…"

Just then, we heard the door open and Bella popped her head in. She had tears in her eyes. "Hey, guys. You're back to normal, I see."

"Bella…what…?" I started but she just shook her head.

"Nothing, I'm just so happy for you. Rosalie went to sleep in the other room, Emmett's downstairs with Edward; they're getting the jeep ready to take you guys in to the hospital."

I looked at Jasper. "Thank you, Jazzy, so much. I swear, no more funky herbs."

He nodded solemnly. "I don't even think I'll want to smoke any of Edward's wacky weed anymore, Alice , just for fear it's laced with something else."

Bella's head popped up all of a sudden and she smiled. "You know…"

I grinned as Jasper's mouth fell open. "Bella…I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but is switching places the right idea?"

Her grin was evil as she rubbed her hands together, all signs of weak, tired, broken down Bella gone. "Oh, I think that's the absolute best idea I've ever heard. Give him a taste of his own fucking medicine…"

My eyes grew a bit wider as I looked at Jasper. He smiled and said, "I pity the poor fucker. He must have pissed you off good. He'll never know what hit him."

"Oh…I'm not going to do it today. He's got some mandatory vacation time coming up. We were planning on spending some time at home doing some work to the house and all…I think that I might have to deal with him then."

"Bella…" I started, but Jasper held up his hand.

"No, Ali, she's right. I don't know what he's done, but he's been acting like a dipshit for weeks now. It's time she put him in his place. I can't wait to see how his week of hell goes at being a woman. Fuck, I hope it goes on longer than a week. The jackass won't be able to handle being a girl." He let out a maniacal laugh and rubbed his hands together.

"Although…" He said thoughtfully. "Edward's such a pussy…he might find himself quite comfortable as a female…"

I popped Jasper in the arm, but Bella giggled. "Oh, I don't think Edward will be able to handle it. You or Emmett never had to deal with a period. I'm thinking tampons…blood…" Jasper looked even greener.

"Jazzy? Baby? Don't you want to go enjoy being a man for a few minutes?" I asked sweetly.

He looked at me in surprise but nodded. "Don't forget, we _will _discuss Cancun at a later date."

I nodded, knowing I wasn't going to get out of talking about what went on between Edward and I all those years ago. "I love you, Jazzy!" I called as he left the room. He turned and smiled at me, blowing me a kiss, which I returned. I turned to Bella. "So…when does operation "Fuck with Edward's head" start?"

She grinned.

* * *

**AN2: Yes, we know, it's hella short, but not to worry, we ARE going to do a three-quel. Edward and Bella have to tell their story yet. And it IS a doozy! We're going to take a little break…we are quite busy with our new story, "How to Save a Live" as well as the other stories we each have on our personal profiles and THEN all the kids and the summer and that good stuff, so, don't count us out. Put us on your author alerts so you'll know when our new story starts! **

**Thanks! And don't forget to leave us some love on the way out! The more reviews we get, the more we know how much you want to see Edward and Bella.**


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